New Mom?
by snheetah
Summary: Robby Ray has a girlfriend that he is soon going to marry that Miley, Lily, and Jackson cannot stand but they have a secret.
1. WHAT!

**I don't own Hannah Montana. I had a dream about 'Hannah Montana' one time and I thought, why not turn it into a fanfic. So this is kind of like my dream but not by much.**

* * *

Miley yawned as she climbed down the steps from their new house.

"Man Lily," Miley panted as she joined her best friend at the breakfast table.

"I just get tired looking at it. Ooh and dizzy," Lily said as she looked at the top of the spiral staircase. "Must've taken ages to build."

"Anyway," Miley said as Lily looked at her, "where's daddy?"

"I woke up before him and he told me that he had to go and meet someone," Lily told her.

"Who would he be meeting in the morning? He's usually a sleeper on Saturdays."

"Maybe this was an important meeting," Lily said.

The phone rang.

"Hello," Miley answered.

"Yo Miles, I'm coming home," Jackson said.

"Why?" Miley asked, "why can't cha be there? Or are you too scared?"

"Ha, ha, very funny," Jackson said sarcastically, "I'm coming to meet the new lady."

"What new lady?" Miley asked.

"Didn't dad tell you? He has a girlfriend that he is soon going to get engaged to and also get married," Jackson told her.

Miley spit out her orange juice, "WHAT? How could he? And then not tell me about it. This is worse then the time I saw Lily and Oliver kiss when I got home from my movie!"

"Still not over that yet?" Lily asked her.

"Sadly no," Miley told her.

"Look Miley," Jackson son, "dad has been single longer than I can count."

"And ya can't count that high anyway," Miley told him.

"Anyway," he continued, "this can be a big break for him. He's been lonely and he needs to move on. Go easy on him Miles."

Miley rolled her eyes and grumpily said, "fine."

"Maybe he just wanted to surprise you," Lily told her.

"I find surprises really overrated now," Miley said.

"Well who knows Miley, maybe you will really like her," Lily said.


	2. Dad

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"Jackson?" Robby said as he entered the house, "what the Sam heck are you doin' here?"

"I heard the news dad," Jackson said.

"About Tina?"

"Tina?" Miley and Lily said to each other.

"I know that it's a bit too soon but she's my girlfriend," Robby announced.

"I heard," Miley said.

"Are you upset?" he asked his daughter.

"Yes," Miley said, "why did you keep this a secret from me?"

"Well I'm sorry, I thought you would have disapproved."

"You're not a teenager dad, even if I didn't like her I'll have to deal with it," Miley told him.

"I though you might say something like that, thanks bud," Robby told her as he gave her a hug, "you guys are going to love her. She's pretty, she's fun, and she's going to be a good mom."

"Can't wait to meet her," Miley said sarcastically.

"I knew you would bud," Robby said as he left the house.

"You aren't really happy are you?" Jackson asked Miley.

"If look at my facial features, do they look happy?"

"No," Jackson said.


	3. Tina

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

Lily, Jackson, and Miley were sitting on the couches waiting for Robby to come home with his "girlfriend."

"I have never seen her picture before," Miley began.

"Well she might be full of surprises," Lily told her.

"Everybody," Robby said as he entered the house, "meet Tina."

"Hiya," a young lady (with huge black curly hair that looked like extensions, long red fingernails, and also wearing a flowered dress with long sleeves) said as she greeted Miley, Jackson, and Lily.

Miley's eyes were wide open. The lady's voice was nasal like Traci's and her eyes were the same brown color and same shape.

"Hi," Miley said as she shook hands with the long-finger nailed lady, "um…are you related to Traci by any chance?"

"The famous girl with the nasal voice?" Tina asked, "why I'm her aunt."

"Daddy's girlfriend say what?" Miley asked.

Tina looked at her.

"What I meant was great," Miley lied as she slid over to Lily. "Now I know where Traci gets that voice."

"If she has the same attitude like Traci, I want you to chain my hands, feet, and body to a chair," Lily told her.

"Wait, why?" Miley asked.

"Because my claws will come out and things will get bloody," Lily warned her.

"Okay," Miley said slowly.

"Oh," Tine said as she looked around the house, "your house is gorgeous."

"Aw thanks," Robby said.

"Not to mention that the bathroom is sparkly white even when you're done," Jackson told her.

Tine turned around and gave a small uncomfortable giggle.

"Come this way sweet pea, your room is upstairs next to Miley's and Lily's," Robby said as he took her upstairs and left.

"She's…" Miley was saying.

"Totally wrong," Lily finished.

"Exactly," Miley said.

"And why did she giggle uncomfortably to me?" Jackson asked.

"It's nothing new bro, everybody does," Miley told him.

"'Everybody does,'" Jackson mimicked.

Pretty soon, Miley and Jackson began to mimic each other.

"What is with all of this racket?" Tina screeched as she quickly climbed downstairs.

"Nothing," Jackson and Miley said.

"I will not have any hooligans in my family," she snapped as she left Miley and Jackson with their mouths wide open.


	4. A Plan

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"Did she just call us hooligans?" Miley said angrily.

"No," Jackson said sarcastically, "she called us angels."

"Turn around," Miley said.

"Why?" Jackson asked as he turned around.

Miley put her foot on his backside and pushed him hard where he fell on the couch arm.

"Ow," Jackson said as he landed on his stomach and slowly got up, "you'll pay for that later."

"So what'd ya'll think?" Robby asked them as he came downstairs.

"You got a witch," Jackson told him.

"Excuse me?"

"Dad," Miley began, "she called us hooligans."

"I don't want to hear it," Robby said as he stopped her, "you're grounded," he pointed to Jackson, "you're grounded," he pointed at Miley, "and you're—" he pointed at Lily who looked scared, "—off the hook," he left them there.

"This is so unfair," Jackson said as he plopped down on the couch.

"I'm with you on that one," Miley said as she sat next to him.

"Me too," Lily said.

"Look we have to do something," Jackson said, "or that step-witch is going to ruin the rest of our lives and our generation."

"What?" Miley asked, "we can't do anything to her when dad is around. He'll just ground us again."

"For all eternity," Jackson said.

"Lily," Miley said.

"Yes," Lily said with fright.

"Come here."

Lily went behind Miley. Miley grabbed her hand and whacked Jackson upside the head.

"OW!" Jackson yelped.

"Wait," Lily said as she shook free, "didn't your dad mention that he had a reunion with his band again and is leaving you two alone for the weekend like last time?"

"Yes," Jackson said, "what does that have to do with getting rid of her?"

Miley looked at Jackson, "can that light bulb in your head get any dimmer? Oh wait it's already dark."

"'It's already dark,'" Jackson mimicked.

They began to mimic each other again.

"Where's the tape when you need it?" Lily yelled.

"Don't even think about it," Jackson and Miley told her.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Lily began, "we'll at first behave like angles when your dad is around but when he leaves we'll be so intimidating over his girlfriend and she'll leave!"

"Lily," Miley said, "I love your thinking. I cannot wait 'till dad leaves." She did an evil laughter.

"Yeah that evil laughter is creepy," Lily told her.

"Really?" Miley asked her.

"Yeah look at Jackson," Lily said as she pointed at Jackson who was curled up into a ball and started to shake.

"Please don't hurt me," he whispered to Miley.


	5. Breakfast

**I don't own Hannah Montana. A slight aggression here.**

* * *

The next day Miley and Lily woke up and went downstairs.

"Only a few more weeks till we're seniors!" Miley said with excitement.

"Goody morning," Tina said to them as she climbed downstairs and went into the kitchen.

"Good morning," they said in a faux happy tone.

"Have you three eaten anything yet?" Tina asked them.

"No," Miley told her, "daddy usually makes us breakfast."

"Not anymore," Tina sang, "I would like you three to try my famous oatmeal. Not only its good for you but it gives you the power to do anything."

"Can't wait to try it," Jackson said. Then he leaned over Miley, "she's not that bad."

After a few minutes passed, Tina put the plates on the table and poured the oatmeal on the plates. "Get it while its hot," she said.

Miley, Lily, and Jackson went to the table. They looked at the oatmeal with disgust.

"What is this bubbly volcano of barf in Barf Land?" Miley whispered to herself.

Jackson took a spoonful of oatmeal and ate it. His facial features changed.

"Jackson?" Lily asked, "are you okay?"

Jackson shook his head as he ran to the bathroom. After a few minutes he returned.

"The only power that oatmeal has is to make you vomit," he told Miley and Lily.

Miley and Lily pushed their plates away from them.

"Eat," Tine told them.

"Actually," Miley said, "I'm really not that hungry. I ate a huge bucket of ice cream as a midnight snack last night and I am full than a bear filled with honey."

"EAT!" Tine yelled as she grabbed Miley's cheeks and forced the spoon in her mouth.

"Mornin'," Ronny said as he climbed downstairs.

"Good morning," Tina said as she spread out her arms and hugged Robby.

Miley wipes her faced and looked at Tina with hatred.

"Whoo-whee!" Robby said, "what's that delicious thing I smell?" he said.

"Eggs and bacon!' Tina said as she served it to him.

"Can I have some too please?" Jackson asked.

"Sorry we're out of eggs," Tina lied as she sat down next to Robby.

Miley continued to stare at her in hatred.


	6. Poor Jackson

**I don't own Hannah Montana or the 'Wizard of Oz' or the movie 'Annie'. **

* * *

"Seriously what's her problem?" Jackson asked Lily and Miley as they were seated on the couch. Robby had left for work and Tine was upstairs unpacking.

"Yeah is she trying to starve us to death?" Lily asked him.

"Dad seems happy with her," Miley said.

"Well I don't care how happy he is alright. We have the Wicked Witch of the West in our new house," Jackson said.

"At least she isn't green, has no warts on her nose, and has no flying monkeys," Lily said.

"Oh-ho-ho really?" Tina asked as she was talking on the phone from upstairs.

"Okay her voice is actually driving me crazy," Miley said, "when are we going to get rid of her?"

"Till dad leaves okay, which is tomorrow," Jackson told her, "so be patient."

"Yeah and it's taking forever for that tomorrow to come. Where's Annie when you need her?" Miley asked as she spread out her arms.

"I'm going to go and unpack," Jackson said as he got up from the couch and went upstairs to his neat room.

"Where are you going?" Tina asked as she stopped him in his tracks.

"I'm going to my room," Jackson said as he walked towards his room.

"What for?" Tina asked as she stopped him again.

"To unpack my things," he told her.

Jackson walked to his room and entered. Tina followed him. Jackson grabbed his bag and put it on his bed where he unzipped it and threw his clothes around the room one by one.

"Hey! Hey!" Tina screamed.

"What?" Jackson asked annoyed as he turned around.

"You clean this room up this instant," Tina ordered.

"No," Jackson refused.

"What?" Tina asked accusingly.

"I said 'no,'" Jackson repeated.

Tina put her hands on her hips.

"This is my own room, my house, and I'll do whatever I want to my own room," Jackson told her, "now leave me alone."

Tina approached him and gave him a hard slap across the face. Jackson's neck snapped to the left and then he looked at her with fright. His cheek turning red.

"You'll clean your room and put everything in order," Tina pointed an accusing finger at him, "or I'll leave you with no food for three months."

Jackson nodded.

"And don't come out of this room if that mark isn't healed yet and if tell your father, your sister, or your friend about this, you'll wish that you've never been born," Tina said as she left the room and closed the door behind her.

Jackson looked at Tina, speechless, and he began to organize his room the way Tina wanted it to be.


	7. Lily

**I don't own Hannah Montana **

* * *

When Jackson was done cleaning his room he went back downstairs to join Lily and Miley.

"Jackson boy," Miley said as she saw him walking glumly downstairs, "have you been crying?"

"No," Jackson lied.

"By the look of your face…you have," Lily pointed out.

"No I have not," Jackson lied again.

"Come on Jackson," Miley said, "just tell us."

"Bye children, I'm going shopping," Tina said as she fast-walked downstairs through the door.

Miley rolled her eyes and looked at Jackson.

"She hit me," Jackson confessed.

"No," Lily said in a I-don't-believe-it-tone.

Jackson turned his head and the mark was still there.

"Whoa!" Lily said as though she had never seen a hand mark in someone's face before.

Miley picked up her phone.

"Miles what are you doing?" Jackson asked.

"I'm callin' daddy," she told him.

"NO!" Jackson yelled as he grabbed the phone from her.

"How come?" Miley asked, "he has to know."

"Tina told me that if I told anybody she was going to leave me without food for three months and she said that she'll also do something that's going to make me wish that I was never born," Jackson explained.

"Wow Jackson," Miley said, "I've never seen you this upset before."

"That's because I've never been slapped on the face before."

"Look we'll get her for you," Lily suddenly said.

"Lily no," Miley told her, "if we do then she'll know that Jackson told and might hurt him again."

"Well then how are we going to get rid of her?" Lily asked.

"Guess we're not," Miley said.

"Oh man," Lily whined, "I had tons of good ideas."

Tina skipped through the door. "Heeeeeeellllo!" she sang in her annoying tone of voice.

"Hello Tina," everyone said in a bad mood.

"Not acceptable!" Tina shouted at them, "you'll refer to me as 'mom.'"

Jackson, Miley, and Lily looked at each other.

"Boing," Lily whispered to them.

"What?" Tina asked.

"Nothing," Lily said in a frightened voice.

Tina put her bags on the table and went upstairs to change.

"She's quite a shopper," Jackson said, "look at al these bags." There were about forty bags.

"Yeah what's in them anyway?" Lily asked, "potions? Goblins? Bat Wings? A black cat?"

"Enough," Miley told her.

Tina suddenly walked downstairs.

"Hey um Tina," Miley said, "what's inside those bags?"

"Photographs," Tina answered.

"Photographs? In big bags? Really?" Miley asked. _Look at whose wasting the trees_ she thought.

"There's a lot of pictures here of my Snuggle Puss, and me" Tina said as she giggled.

"Snuggle Puss?" Jackson whispered.

"And I repeat 'boing,'" Lily whispered to him.

"I HEARD THAT!" Tina screamed at her as she grabbed Lily by the hair.

"OW! OW! OW! YOW!" Lily cried out.

"Tina stop!" Miley yelled as she tried to pull her off Lily, "stop it! She didn't do anything wrong!" she still tried to pull Tina off.

"Let go of me!" Tina shouted as she turned around and scratched Miley on the arm with her nails. She let go of Lily's hair and stormed out of the room.


	8. Mom's Photo

**I don't own Hannah Montana **

* * *

"Ow," Miley said as she grabbed her arm.

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked her.

"Ugh I hope so," Miley said, "I'm gonna go and get some bandages from my room." She went upstairs.

"Lily are you okay?" Jackson asked Lily who was rubbing her stinging head.

"No not really. That pull almost made my scalp fall," Lily answered.

As Miley climbed up the stairs and was at the entrance of her room she saw Tina inside.

"What are you doing here?" Miley asked her.

"Fixing your room," Tina said happily.

"My room is always clean. It's nothing like Jackson's," Miley told her.

Tina crossed her arms. Miley wanted to ignore her. She looked at her nightstand to see that photograph of her beautiful smiling mother. That always made her happy but the photo wasn't there. It was a smiling picture of Tina.

Miley was shocked as she pointed at the photo, "wha—what happed to my mother's photograph?"

"She's not your mother anymore," Tina told her.

"Yes she is!" Miley shouted, "she's my biological mother that gave birth to me and Jackson you didn't and praise the lord you didn't."

"She's dead you stupid girl," Tina told her. "She's a rotting, trampy skeleton just lying in her coffin."

Miley had tears in her eyes. As calmly as she could she said, "Tina, give me that picture."

"Oh you want it?" Tina asked her as she turned around and ripped the photograph into tiny little pieces.

"NO!" Miley screamed.

Tina threw them at her. "There," she said as she stormed out of the room closing the door behind her and locking it with a key.

Miley looked down at the floor staring at the ripped pieces of her mother. She began to cry and cry. What hurts more? The torn photograph of your mother that you loved or a scratched arm?

The answer: Definitely the torn photo of your loving dead mother.


	9. Planning

**I don't own Hannah Montana **

* * *

After crying her eyes out about her mother's picture, Miley was sadly sitting at her desk trying to tape back the ripped pieces of her mother. It looked like a very complicated puzzle for her that she couldn't figure it out that easily.

The door suddenly turned and Lily entered. "Miley," she said softly.

"I'm not in the mood," Miley said not bothering to turn around and face her friend.

"Look I know that you're sad but we have to get rid of her. As soon as possible," Lily suggested.

This time Miley turned around and faced her. "And I am way ahead of you."

"YES!" Lily yelled.

"Shh," Miley warned her, "she might hear you."

"She jumped on her flying broomstick and went to the mall," Lily told her.

"Perfect," Miley said, "please get Jackson for me."

* * *

"Jackson," Miley said, "can you be really gross. And by that I mean to the extreme."

"Is this part of your evil scheme?" Jackson said.

"Yes," Miley said, "for tomorrow when dad is out of here."

"Then yes."

"Wonderful," Miley said as she imagined Tina's face to what she was going to do with her.

* * *

"Miley, Jackson, Lily," Robby Ray called as he threw down his keys on the table.

"Dad is here," Miley said, "let's not tell him anything."

The three of them ran downstairs and greeted Robby.

"So how did it go?" Robby asked.

"What?" Jackson asked.

"Your day with Tina," Robby told him.

"Oh yeah," Jackson said, "that. It was awesome. I mean we did a lot of good stuff and other kinds of stuff but you know good stuff. Nothing threatening to our health with those kind of stuff but yeah they were good…stuff," he said.

"You're going to blow it," Miley whispered to him.

"IS there something I should know about?" Robby asked.

"Pffft ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," Miley laughed out loud, "'is there something I should know about' whoo. Is my daddy funny or what?" she asked Lily and Jackson.

"Pfft yeah," Lily said, "hilarious."

"Well it's good to be appreciated," Robby said, "thanks Lily."

"Yep," Lily said.

"Snuggle Puss," Tina sang as she entered through the door.

"How you doin' sweet fluffy kitten?" Robby asked her as they hugged.

Miley felt like she was going to gag, Jackson felt like getting Tina away from his dad and throwing her off a cliff, and Lily felt like scratching her eyes out.

"Anyway," Tina sang, "I have gotten you those hair moisturizes that you've always wanted."

"But honey those cost a fortune," Robby told her.

"Not when I'm spending it for my guy."

"Aww you sweet thing," he said.

Jackson turned around and faced Lily and Miley, "Not sweet enough."

"Come on into the kitchen I'll cook for you," Tina said as she frolicked into the kitchen and made them dinner.

Miley, Lily, and Jackson were sitting at the diner table while Tina and Robby were sitting in the living room watching a romantic movie.

"I'm afraid to eat it," Lily said as she pushed her plate away.

"Yeah me too," Miley said as she pushed hers away and so did Jackson.

"Let's just say goodnight and go over the plans," Jackson told them and they did.

They said goodnight to Tina and Robby and they went upstairs to Jackson's room.


	10. Revenge is Sweet!

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"Bye dad," Miley said the next day as their dad left for a week for the second reunion with the band.

"Have fun," Jackson said.

"Oh I will," Robby said then he looked at Miley and Jackson.

"What?" Miley asked.

"Just don't bother Tina too much," Robby told them.

"Us? Bother her?" Jackson scoffed, "you wish."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Absolutely nothing," Jackson said, "now go before you're late," Jackson said as he pushed Robby into the car.

"Alright I'll see ya'll in a week," Robby said as he drove away.

"Bye," Miley and Jackson said as they entered the house.

"Alright Lily," Miley said, "where has she gone?"

"She told me that she was going shopping. Again. Man that woman shops a lot, good thing I'm not like her at all," Lily laughed.

"Did she say for how long?" Miley asked.

"Last time she was gone for two hours so maybe two or three," Lily told them.

"Great let's get to work," Miley said and they did.

After they were done with their little scheme, Miley and Lily were in Miley room reading some magazines and Jackson was in his room playing some games. They heard the door bang.

"Can't wait for this," Miley squealed at Lily.

* * *

Tina walked around the living room. She opened the closet to put her coat away but as she did, a bucket filled with melted vanilla ice cream.

"AHHH!" she yelled as she was dripping with the melted dessert. She angrily put her coat away and went to the fridge to get some water. As she opened the door a jar of sprinkles was flung back to her face. She jumped back.

She stormed upstairs and went into Miley's room.

"Whoa!" Miley said as she saw her.

"DID YOU DO THIS?" she screamed her head off.

"What? No," Miley lied, "we were up here the whole time."

"Yeah," Lily lied also, "look at all of these magazines we read."

"Maybe it was that no good brother of your," Tina said.

"My brother is not that smart to build contraptions like that," Miley said, "he can't even say the alphabet backwards."

"Well nobody can," Tina said.

"I can," Lily told her.

"Prove it," Tina said.

"Z, Y…um, Q," Lily was saying.

"Sure you can," Tina said sarcastically as she left the room. The bathroom door closed and the shower turned on.

"Did it work?" Jackson said as he suddenly entered the room.

"Yep," Miley said as the three of them did a high-five.

"What's next?" Lily asked.

"You'll see," Jackson told her.


	11. Sticky Situation

**I don't own Hannah Montana. **

* * *

While Tina was taking her bath, Jackson, Lily, and Miley were downstairs.

"Man where did all of these flies come from?" Lily shouted.

"I don't know," Miley screamed, "I hate flies."

"Me too," Jackson yelled. "You two go upstairs and hang this on the bathroom door," he told Miley and Lily as he gave them a black rubber toy.

Miley and Lily took the black rubber toy and carefully put it on the bathroom door.

"Do you think this will work?" Lily asked.

"Of course," Miley said in an obvious tone of voice, "Tina hates these things and trust me this toy looks scary enough."

"Alright," Lily said and they heard the shower turn off. "She's done!" Lily squeaked.

"Okay go, go, go," Miley whispered as they ran to Jackson's bedroom.

Tina inspecting her 'gorgeous' face in the mirror. "Clearer than ever!" she said to herself, "oh my gosh I'm so beautiful," she happily said as she opened the door and the big, black, rubber, spider fell on her head. When she felt something fuzzy and also moving she looked up and couldn't see anything so she put her hand on her head and she screamed her head off. "Get away, get away, get away, GET AWAY!" she screamed as she tripped and rolled down the floor struggling with the toy.

Miley and Lily were laughing their heads off and Jackson was trying not to laugh out loud.

"Go away, go away!" she yelled as she stomped on the toy. "Ewww!" she yelled as quickly ran downstairs to the living room. Once she got downstairs her feet got stuck on some flypaper. "Ugh," she said as she looked down at her feet and then she saw moving flies. "EW! EW! EW!"

"What's the matter?" Jackson asked as he ran to her.

"My feet are stuck in this!" she yelled.

"Flypaper?" Jackson asked as he took a sip of his smoothie. "Looks like we caught some flies haaaaaaaaaaaaaa," he said as he breathed on Tina's face.

Tina's face looked like she was going to throw up. "What did you put in that smoothie anyway?"

"Oh the usual," Jackson said, "fruit, chocolate, honey, syrup, tuna."

"You put tuna in your smoothie?" Tina asked him.

"Obviously," Jackson said, "and it tastes so good. Here," he gave it to her but his hand went into the wrong direction and it fell on Tina's bathrobe.

"Oops," Jackson said. "Don't worry I'll clean it for you."

"You'd better," Tina said, "or else…"

"Or else what?" Jackson asked her.

"You know."

"No not really."

Tina turned and walked upstairs.

"What were you going to say?"

"A TANNING THAT"S WHAT!" she yelled.

"Sweet I'm getting a tan," he said then he finally realized what she meant, "oh but you won't."


	12. Meet the Maid

**I don't own Hannah Montana and Meg is a character from my other stories.**

* * *

"We heard her yelling," Lily said as she came downstairs with Miley and saw Jackson there, "is everything okay?"

"When you say okay…" Jackson began.

"What did she do?" Miley asked.

"She threatened me again," Jackson said, "something about the word 'tanning.' Please tell me that it's not what I think it is."

"It is," Miley told him.

"She's going to take me to the SPA and give me a tan?" he asked.

"No," Lily said, "she is going to take out her belt and hit you! Use your head man!" she yelled as she grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"Alright release please," he said, "don't worry I got other plans."

"Like what?" Miley asked.

"Well so far…nothing," Jackson said.

"I got one," Lily said.

"What is it?" Miley asked her.

"You'll see."

* * *

After Tina took her last bath again she made a cup of tea.

"Hey Tina," Miley said as she smiled at her.

"Leave," Tina told her, "I don't want my gorgeous-ness surrounded by your ugliness."

"Oh sure I'll leave you to it," Miley said as she put something on the chair and covered it with a cloth that looked exactly like the cloth that the chair had. "Anyway me, Jackson, and Lily were just going out," Miley told her.

"Oh I don't care," Tina told her, "as long as you don't come back with your pathetic friend and brother and also yourself I am fine."

"Okay listen here Ms. Vanity," Miley said with anger, "me, my friend, and my brother are not pathetic!"

"To me you are like your father, so shoo," Tina said.

Miley clenched her fists and tried to control her anger for she was ready to leap towards her. She turned around and left for outside.

Tina poured the tea in a cup and sat down at a chair. "Ahhh!" she yelled as she jumped up and the tea fell on her again. She took off the cloth and saw a hot water bottle there. "UGH!" she yelled. "I have to go and take another bath again!" she stormed upstairs.

"Wow," Lily said to Jackson as they walked downstairs, "even when she only wets her clothes with something she goes like 'I have to take a bath!'" she mimicked her high-pitched voice.

"Can you please not do that?" Jackson asked her, "its really annoying."

Lily and Jackson got out of the house and saw Miley sitting on the stairs steps with her hands on her face.

"Miles, what's wrong?" Jackson asked his sister.

"What?" Miley said as she looked up, "nothing."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked her.

"Yeah," Miley said as she got up from the steps and walked away, "I'm going down to the beach."

"But that's miles away," Lily told her.

"I'll take the bus or something," Miley said as she left.

"This has 'Tina' written all over it," Jackson said.

"Yep," Lilly nodded.

* * *

Miley walked down to the beach and went to the shack. "Hello," she said.

"Yo what's up?" a girl jumped up and asked her. She had brown hair, brown eyes, and the same skin color as Miley.

"Not good," Miley told her, "can I have a bottle of water please?"

"Uh-huh that's three dollars," she said as she gave it to her and Miley gave her the money. "I'll give it to you for free," the girl said as she handed back the money, "aaaaaaaaaaanyway why so down girl?"

"I have this horrible person living in my house," Miley told her.

"Yeah do go on," the girl told her.

"And I really want to get rid of her. We have tried a couple of methods but she isn't leaving."

"Does this woman have the name of Tina Van Horn?" the girl asked her.

"Yes," Miley told her.

"She's an evil little—I cannot say because there are little people on the beach," the girl said.

"What how do you know Tina?" Miley asked her.

"I was her maid for four years and it was torture. Been her maid since I was eleven. She always went like 'Meg do this. Meg do that. Move Barkwood or I'll hit you with a bark wood. I'd love to hit her upside the head with a bark wood," the girl told her, "that would make me really happy."

"Wait you're Meg?" Miley asked her. "Don't tell me you are the daughter of the parents that gave their money to a playground that have a son by the name of Trey."

Meg nodded, "and I love to prank call people," she took out her phone and called somebody.

"What?" Tina yelled through the phone.

"Hello miss," Meg said in a disguised voice, "I have just found out your future and you should be careful on Friday the thirteenth because terrible things will happen to you."

"Like what?" Tina asked her with fright in her voice.

"Let me check my computer. Ohhh this is soooooooooooooo bad. Ew! Are you serious?"

"WHAT?" Tina asked her.

"Oh…my…gosh that is so disgusting what the heck?" then Meg shut the phone.

"Who was that?" Miley asked her.

"That was 'The Witch,'" Meg told her, "she gets easily scared of things, she can't stand them at all. Just about everything freaks her out."

Miley looked at Meg and smiled at her.

"Do you have a plan in mind?" Meg asked her.

"Oh I most certainly do and I need your help," Miley told her.

"Alright-y then let me check with my boss," Meg said as she picked up the phone, "oh who am I kidding?" she said as she threw the phone behind her, "I'm going to get fired anyway," she said as she jumped over the counter and walked home with Miley.

"So why did your parents give you off to her?" Miley asked her once they were on the bus.

"Because they thought that I wasn't special enough since I gave all my money away to the people in need, they were all like 'we give so much money that you don't even use it for yourself, you give it off to the deprived people. You have got to learn to make your own money,' and they got me job to clean the house for that fake haired witch," Meg told her. "Now I live by myself and I'm all happy."

"That's good," Miley told her.


	13. Meg

**I don't own Hannah Montana or the character Shego from Kim Possible**

* * *

"Well this is my house," Miley said to Meg.

"And it is rockin'," Meg told her, "I love it."

Miley and Meg entered through the door and Lily and Jackson saw them.

"Hey Miley," Lily said, "who is she?"

"She's Meg," Miley said, "I met her at Rico's."

"You work at Rico's?" Jackson asked Meg.

"'Worked at Rico's' you mean my friend. He's going to call me right now and say that I'm fired," Meg said and her cell phone rang, "hello."

"You're fired!" Rico yelled at her.

"Okay then," Meg said as she shut the phone, "there now I can live in peace."

There was suddenly a knock on the door and Jackson went and opened it. Siena walked in.

"Hi Jackson," she said.

"Whoa!" Meg yelled, "whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa and a huge, big, fat whoa!" Meg yelled, "the color on those couches are awesome!" she said as she turned around and looked at the couches.

"So you just 'whoa-d' for the couches?" Lily asked her.

"Pretty much but most importantly," Meg said, "you're dating a supermodel?" she said to Jackson, "that is just insanely awesome. Who are you?" she asked Siena.

"I am Siena, a supermodel, I think that you must've heard of me since you know that I'm a supermodel," Siena told her.

"Oh yeah," Meg said, "that gorgeous girl in the magazines. I always admired you on the magazines that Tina read only to find herself in there."

"And how do you know that?" Jackson asked her.

"I was her maid," Meg said, "and I really wanted to poison her wine. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!" she laughed out loud.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jackson yelled when Meg did that.

"What are you freaking out about?" Meg asked him.

"Are you related to Rico?" Jackson asked her with worry.

Of course," Meg said, "I'm his godmother!" she said sarcastically.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" he yelled.

"She's nobody's godmother smart one," Miley told him. "By the way where did _she _go?"

"That green villain with the huge black hair that Kim Possible has to defeat?" Meg asked.

"By '_she'_ I mean Tina," Miley told her slowly.

"Gotcha," Meg told her.

"But she wasn't wrong about 'green villain,' thing and the big hair," Lily said. "She went shopping."

"AGAIN!" Jackson yelled.

"Good well this gives us enough time to—" Miley was saying when the door opened wide and Tina flounced around the room with a billion bags that could bring the whole world into bankrupt.

"What did you do?" Meg asked her, "buy the whole store?"

"For your information," Tina said as she turned and looked at her, "I bought things that I couldn't live without."

"Diamonds?" Meg asked her.

"No," Tina told her.

"A new voice box because if you get it more higher you are going to break all of the glass in this house all the way to Antarctica," Meg said.

"Who are you?" Tina asked her.

"She's uh the new housekeeper," Miley stepped in.

"She is?" Tina asked her.

"Yes," Lily said, "she's uh going to take care of the house for us and sleep out in the barn since she smart-mouthed you. Shame on you!" she said to Meg.

"Well good," Tina said, "because if you were a housekeeper in my house you will be sleeping up in the attic with no light, no food, only dust, spider and MICE!" she yelled at Meg's as she stormed away and slammed the door from upstairs.

"If she was a housekeeper at _my_ house I would give her a few suggestions," Meg said, "to TRY A BREATH MINT!" she yelled.

"Okay, okay, okay," Miley said to Meg, "let's make some plans for Friday the thirteenth."

"Halloween," Meg said, "with a lot of scary costumes, magic and weird stuff, ooh we can get some real blood and pour it on her."

"Lets not go overboard," Miley said.

"Okay, alright. How about we build a trap door that she falls in and never gets out where she'll be trapped in there for all eternity," Meg said.

"Again you're going overboard and I don't want her ghost haunting my house," Miley said, "we need to think things through. Come on let's go to my room," Miley said as she, Meg and Lily went upstairs.


	14. I Hate Her!

**I don't own Hannah Montana or the song 'Poker Face' by Lady Gaga**

* * *

"So we are alone," Jackson said as he was with Siena.

"Yeah," Siena nodded, "I really missed you."

"Me too," Jackson said.

They neared their heads together to kiss when Tina walked downstairs.

"Hey!" she yelled at them and gasped when she saw Siena. "You!"

Jackson got in front of Siena.

"What are you doing here?" Tina asked her.

"I just came to see my boyfriend," Siena told her.

"Oh you did?" Tina said, "or did he come to tell you something?"

"Tell me what Jackson?" Siena asked him.

"You remember sweetie," Tina told Jackson, "that you called her because you couldn't stand her anymore and that high-pitched voice of hers."

"You said that?" Siena asked in surprise.

"He also couldn't stand your pale, slimy snake skin and your fake hair," Tina said, "he also told me that you are too fat too."

Siena was on the verge of crying. "I cannot believe you said that," she said as she walked out of the house.

"No Siena," Jackson said as he went after her, "I didn't say anything like that. Why would I?"

"Don't ever talk to me again!" she told him.

Jackson walked back inside that house. "What did you do that for?"

"Because I hate her," Tina said, "she thinks she's all this and that."

"No she doesn't," Jackson said, "you think you're all this and that. Thanks a lot! You ruined my life, you happy?"

"I'm just getting started," Tina told him.

"When are you going to end it? You're such a bad parent!" Jackson yelled at her.

Tina hit him again on the face but this time…the mouth. Jackson fell to the floor with a broken lip and blood coming out of it.

"You will never talk to me that way again," she told him as she left him there.

Meg ran downstairs with a feathered duster. "Tell me is there more—whoa!" she said as she looked at Jackson. "Now I feel like hitting her with a poker stick and on the face. Hey Poker Face I love that song. Yes we can throw cards at her and chips and sticks at her ooh even a pool table along with the balls."

"Would you please forget about your revenge and help me because my mouth is starting to throb," Jackson told her.

Meg ran to the sink, wetted a cloth with some and put it on Jackson's lip. "Why is she attacking you?" Meg said dramatically.

"I don't know," Jackson said, "maybe she hates me."

"Oh trust me she does," Meg said, "she hates me too. She hates all of her housekeepers but don't worry my friend we're going to melt that witch and make her think that she was never born, throw her inside a volcano, then inside a tsunami and then to the BOTTOM OF THE EARTH!" Meg yelled.

"MEG!" Jackson yelled to get her attention, "TAKE A CHILL PILL!"

"Do they make those now?" Meg asked.

Jackson sighed and went upstairs.

"I'll start dusting now," Meg said as she began to dust off random household things.

"You," Tina said as she came downstairs, "I need you to clean my room. I'm going shopping."

"Why don't you just buy the store and own it?" Meg suggested.

"Because that's too much money dummy!" Tina said as she left the house.

"Alright then shopaholic," Meg said.

"What did you just say?" Tina asked as she came in again.

"Oh I said something that would love to come out of my mouth but I can't say what comes out of my mouth because I will have a dirty mouth than a clean mouth and having a dirty mouth is like having no mouth at all. Oh and speaking of mouths I saw what you did to that boy's mouth," Meg said.

"You tell anyone about that and I'm going to do something to your mouth," Tina told her.

"Ohhh you showed me," Meg said, "I'll just go and hide under my bed in the barn and think what I had done and hid from fear."

Tina left the house and Meg ran upstairs to Tina's bedroom where she saw a huge pile of clothes.

"THIS IS AGONIZING!" she yelled.

"What was that all about?" Lily asked Miley.

"I don't know," Miley said, "let's check it out," they left the room and went to Tina's room.

"I know," Meg said, "I'll rip them and tell her that someone bad ripped them to pieces."

"Are you sure that is such a good idea?" Miley asked her.

"Yeah she believes in everything that doesn't exist and I'm going to get back at her to what she did to your brother," Meg told her.

"What did she do?" Miley asked.

"For all I know," Meg said, "there was something about his lovely girlfriend because I as eavesdropping and then when I get downstairs to dust I see him with a ripped lip."

Miley gasped, "nobody does that to my brother," she said as she went to Jackson's room and left Lily with Meg.

"I think," Meg said, "we should break the diamonds, tear off the heels from the shoes," she kicked a pair of them, "and rip her clothes in that big paper shredder."

"That's an air conditioner," Lily pointed out.

"Are you going to help me or not?" Meg asked.

"I guess I will," Lily said, "but are you sure she is going to believe that we didn't do this?"

"Yeah I'll just say a huge rat carrying big scissors cut these 'fabulous' clothes," Meg said as she ripped a shirt, "that felt so good. I would love to rip her wig."

"She wears a wig?" Lily asked, "is she bald?"

"No," Meg said, "she wears extensions."

"Uh-huh," Lily nodded as she began to rip some of Tina's clothes also.


	15. Information from the Meg

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"My hands are throbbing in pain!" Lily yelled once they were done destroying everything in the room. "But it was worth it."

"I think it would have been better if we hid the clothes and told her that they were stolen," Meg said.

Lily looked at her with annoyance, "why didn't you think of that five hours ago?"

"I don't know," Meg said, "I wanted to work out my muscles."

Lily shook her head as she tried to stand up, "alright, lets just go downstairs and act natural. Will she suspect a thing?"

"No," Meg said. "She's stupid! She can't cook, she can't clean, she can't even read a book that has only one simple word in it like 'cat' or 'a'!"

"What can she do?" Lily asked.

"Isn't obvious?" Meg asked her.

"Yeah go shopping," Lily said. "She's so lucky. I'm jealous."

"I'm jealous that she has a lot of money and doesn't use it for a good cause!" Meg yelled, "like buying a puppy! Is it that hard? Puppies are so cute!"

Suddenly Miley came out Jackson's bedroom.

"How is he?" Lily asked her.

"Not good," Miley told her.

"His mouth still hurts?" Meg asked.

"He doesn't care about his mouth," Miley told her, "alright, he told me what hurts more is what Tina did to him. She broke him up with Siena."

"She did that?" Lily asked her.

"I forgot to tell you that Tina hates Siena's guts so much," Meg said.

"Why?" Lily asked her, "she didn't do anything."

"I know but Tina thinks she did," Meg said, "look," she opened a fashion magazine and on one page there was Siena and on the other page there was Tina.

"Oh," Lily said when she saw it.

"A lot of people like Siena more than they like Tina and she got jealous and she now hates her so much," Meg explained. "When I worked for her, she always checked her e-mails a lot and only found one. She sent an e-mail to herself to complement on herself. She used to get a lot but then Siena came to the magazine and people liked her more. When Tina checked the fashion magazines she always went 'oh she's prettier than me', 'she's skinner than me' and for once I agreed with her."

"What else to do you know about her?" Lily asked.

"She talks to a dude named Josh," Meg told her, "they talk about something. I tried to listen to them but she caught me and shooed me away."

"Can you hack into her phone or something?" Miley asked her.

"I'm not that type of a genius to do it," Meg told her, "but I'll try."


	16. Cellphone Info

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

Tina walked through the door. Lily and Meg were sitting on the couch watching some television. Tina walked upstairs and went into her room and she let out a huge scream.

Lily and Meg smiled at each other. Tina ran downstairs.

"Are you okay?" Meg asked her.

"You look like you have seen a ghost," Lily pointed out.

"What has happened to my room?" Tina yelled at Meg.

"What?" Meg asked.

"Come and look for yourself," Tina said as she took Meg upstairs.

"Whoa," Meg said as she looked at the mess that she and Lily had done. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Tina asked her accusingly.

"I mean that I was downstairs dusting while everyone else was in their rooms," Meg told her.

"Do you mean to tell me that I was robbed?" Tina asked her as she went through her ripped clothes.

"Maybe," Meg said and she gasped, "they broke your diamonds also!"

Tina looked at the pile of broken diamonds, "oh," she cried, "my babies."

"Don't worry Tina," Meg said, "I'll find out who this person is if it's the last thing I do."

"I want you to find out who did this right now," Tina ordered her.

"That could take decades," Meg told her.

"Fine," Tina said, "since you won't find out who did this to me I'm going to leave you without any food for six months."

"Awesome!" Meg said as she ran away.

"What did she say?" Lily asked Meg once she came downstairs.

"She said that if I don't tell who ripped up her clothes she's going to leave me without any food for six months can you believe it?" Meg asked her.

"No," Lily said, "she left us without any good breakfast one day."

"Sketchy," Meg said in interest.

Tina walked downstairs with a cell phone in her hand. "Leave," she said to Lily and Meg and they left.

Lily and Meg went to Miley's bedroom. "She has a cell phone with her," Lily told Miley.

"Great," Miley said as she handed Meg her phone, "can you hack in?"

"I'll try," Meg said as she began to work her way through it. After a few minutes she got through. "I did it," she whispered to them.

"Put it on speaker," Miley told her and she did.

"What are you going to do about it?" a man's voice asked.

"Tell her to get all of the money," a woman's voice said.

"She's going to rob a bank?" Meg asked her.

"Shhh," Miley and Lily told her.

"No," Tina's voice answered. "I'm soon going to be married to that stupid and brainless hillbilly alright Josh."

"Do go on," Josh told her.

"'Stupid and brainless hillbilly?'" Miley echoed in anger.

"Shh," Meg told her.

"And once we say 'I do' to each other and go off in our honeymoon he'll mysteriously disappear," Tina explained.

Miley gasped.

"Please explain how you will kill him," a woman's voice said, "that's my favorite part."

"Simple my dear Charlotte," Tina said, "when we're together on a boat I'll poison his drink and throw him off to the sea where he'll disappear forever."

"Does he have any kids?" Josh asked her.

"He has three spoiled brats that's for sure," Tina told him.

"What will you do to them?" Charlotte asked her.

"I will make their lives miserable," Tina told her, "they will become my servants including that pathetic one that they have."

"Ooh I love your plan," Charlotte said.

"Me too," Josh told her, "just don't forget to get all of that extra money that he has."

"Of course," Tina told him, "with a gorgeous house like this he is bound to be rich. Ciao."

Meg shut the phone and saw Miley's worried face.

"Are you okay?" Meg asked her.

"No," Miley said, "we're dealing with a psychopath."

"You mean a sociopath," Lily told her.

"Words don't matter right now," Miley told her.

"Maybe she's both," Meg spoke up, "she's a sociosychopath."

"Like I said," Miley told her, "words don't matter so lets not bother to combine them."


	17. Disguises

**I don;t own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"I cannot believe this," Miley said as she was pacing around her room. "Dad is going to be home in a couple of days, he's going to marry that Wicked Witch and then she's going to kill him with her evil drink."

"We can warn him," Lily suggested.

"Nah," Miley said, "he'll think that we made it up."

"We can…we can…we can…oh forget it I got nothing," Meg said.

"At least we have more time," Lily said, "you're dad won't be back until next Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday."

"Yeah," Miley said.

"I love Sundays," Meg said, "they are so quiet. We can change that day to a loud day."

"No offense," Miley said to her, "but aren't making any sense."

"I know its like saying that I know Hannah Montana personally," Meg said.

Miley looked at Lily with wide-eyes. "You do?" Miley asked her.

"No," Meg said, "that's crazy talk."

They heard the door shut.

"She's gone," Miley said as they went downstairs.

"Where do you think she went?" Lily asked.

"Shopping," Miley, Meg and Lily said at the same time.

"Or she went to get a weapon. Just guessin'," Meg said.

"There's a billion possibilities why she could have gone out," Miley pointed out.

"Here I'll call her," Meg said as she called.

"What?" Tina asked her.

"Hi," Meg said, "where are you?"

"Why do you care?" Tina asked her.

"Well a maid has to care about where her mistress goes," Meg told her.

"This is secret," Tina told her as she shut the phone.

"What did she say?" Lily asked her.

"She said 'this is secret,'" Meg told her, "there is no store with that name."

Lily gasped. "Since she said that 'this is secret' she means that she is getting something dangerous."

"Yeah!" Meg yelled, "we have to follow her."

"But she could be anywhere," Miley told her.

"When she finishes with something she _always_ and I mean _always_ goes to the beach," Meg told her.

"Okay that's easier than I though," Lily said.

"We need to put on some disguises," Meg suggested, "or she'll catch us and it's going to be a bad, bad, bad, bad punishment."

"How bad?" Miley asked her.

"Major," Meg said, "and I'm not talking about 'grounded' I'm talking about getting beaten-up with a stick."

"She did that to you?" Lily asked her.

"No," Meg said, "she tried to but I hit her and she didn't threaten me anymore. She fired me."

"Nice," Miley said, "let's go."

"I have tons of wigs," Lily said as she gave a purple one to Meg and a blue one to Miley. She had a yellow one. They put on different clothes and sunglasses and they headed down to the beach.

When they arrived at the beach Meg took a newspaper from the shack. "Hide here," she said to Miley and Lily and they did.

"I love my house but I miss this beach so much," Miley said, "even the shack and that little squirt."

"She's coming," Lily whispered as she saw Tina coming down to the beach. She sat to a table near a man wearing a hat, a khaki colored coat and a pair of sunglasses.

"What are they saying?" Miley asked.

"I don't know let's get close," Lily said and they did. They sat to a table behind them.

"So you got it?" Josh asked Tina.

"Rat poison," Tina said as she showed him the little glass bottle.

"Good," Josh said, "do you know where he has the money?"

"No," Tina said, "maybe he has a safe somewhere in that house. I just need some time to find it."

"_Or_," Josh told her, "he could have some money in the bank."

"Yes," Tina said sinisterly.

"What are you planning to do with his brats?" Josh asked her.

"Servants," Tina said, "I thought I told you that on the phone. They are going to live in my dungeon with nothing but rats and insects inside."

"Aww I love rats," Meg suddenly spoke up, "but I hate insects."

Tina turned around and looked at her. "Good for you but too bad no one cares."

"Hey," Meg said.

Tina turned around again, "what?"

"Love your hair," Meg lied.

"Really?" Tina said with flatter, "aren't they pretty?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," Meg said quickly as she and Miley and Lily got up from the table and left, "you should be in a show."

They walked quickly and Lily's wig fell.

"Eep!" she said as she quickly grabbed it and put it on her head.

The three girls ran back home.


	18. He Never Said that She did!

**I don't own Hannah Montana or the character 'Romeo' from 'Romeo and Juliette' or the character 'Matilda Wormwood' from the movie and the book.**

* * *

Miley, Lily and Meg arrived to the bus stop where they got in.

"Phew," Miley breathed, "that was close."

"Did she notice me?" Lily asked.

"No," Meg said.

Lily looked at her, "how do you know?"

"The things that happen in a quick motion that she sees go to her tiny brain slowly," Meg told her, "but then again she got an attention span of a fish and an I.Q. of a zombie so she probably forgot anyway."

"That's good," Miley said as they got off the bus and headed back home.

"Please call me back," Jackson said on the phone.

"Who'd you call?" Miley asked him.

"Siena but she didn't even pick up," Jackson said, "I cannot believe Tina did something like that."

"That doesn't surprise me at all," Meg told him.

"Not making me feel any better," Jackson told her.

"Oh my God," Meg said as she grabbed him by the hand, "come on."

"Where are we going?" Jackson asked her.

"To your girlfriend's house and no ifs, ands, ors, or buts okay," Meg said as they arrived at Siena's house.

Meg knocked on the door and Siena opened it.

"Heeeeeeeey," Meg said.

"Hi," Siena greeted her, "what are you doing here?"

"Not me," Meg said, "him," she said as she grabbed Jackson and showed him to her.

"Hi," Jackson said nervously, "I called you and you didn't pick up."

"Save those," Meg said, "but he has something to tell you. Take it away Romeo."

"Okay um," Jackson said, "about what happened a few hours ago I didn't say any of those things about you."

"Then why did that woman say that you did?" Siena asked him.

"I don't know because she's evil," Jackson told her.

"I know why," Meg spoke up.

"You do?" Siena asked her.

"I used to be her maid. You're an awesome supermodel all right. Tina, that woman that you just met, is also a model and she hates you very much."

"Why does she hate me?" Siena asked with concern as though she did something bad to her that she had to apologize.

"Because you're popular than she is," Meg told her, "you're prettier than her, you're smarter than her, you have good skin, you have pretty hair and everything that you have she doesn't have. That's why she hates you. The things that she said were coming from her point of view not Jackson's. He would have said your skin is like an angel and your hair flows like the wind."

"So are we okay?" Jackson asked her.

"Yes," Siena said as she hugged him.

Suddenly a car pulled up in the driveway.

"Oh God," Meg said as she roughly pushed Jackson and Siena inside the house and they almost fell on to top each other.

"What did you do that for?" Jackson asked her.

"Evil-soon-to-be-step-mom is here," Meg said as she looked out the window.

"Oh no," Jackson said, "I'm supposed to be in my room. If she doesn't find me in there I'm dead."

"Why? What will she do to you?" Siena asked him.

"Let's just say," Meg said as she moved her hands, "a slap on the mouth again."

Siena gasped.

"Anyway," Meg said, "let's move, move. Do you have a backdoor?"

"Yes right there," Siena told her as she pointed to a door.

Meg and Jackson ran through the door.

"I love you Siena!" Jackson told her and Meg pulled him by the shirt.

Meg and Jackson arrived to the house and they saw that Jackson's house was really high.

"Seriously?" Meg said, "we need a high staircase."

"You mean a ladder?" Jackson asked her.

"Yeah whatever I'm not good in anatomy get a ladder!" she told him.

Jackson quickly ran into the barn and got the ladder and they put it next to the windowsill.

"You first," Meg told him and Jackson climbed up.

"Good thing I left the window open," he said as he climbed inside and helped Meg in.

The door opened and Tina entered. "What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"I'm here because…" Meg began, "because Jackson was teaching me how to use the computer."

"Yeah," Jackson said, "we are going to learn about the 'mouse' next."

"What's a 'mouse?'" Meg asked.

"That is the mouse," Jackson told her as he pointed to the computer mouse, "and its also an animal too."

"You," Tina said as she pointed at Meg, "what is your name?"

"My name is Matilda…Worm…wood," Meg lied.

"You go downstairs and make me a cup of tea right now," Tina ordered her.

"What kind?" Meg asked.

"Lavender," Tina told her as she walked away and Meg went downstairs to make the tea.


	19. Salt and Poison

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

Meg went downstairs and put the kettle on and put the lavender tea bag inside.

Tina walked downstairs holding a magazine in one arm and a cell phone in the other. "Are you almost done with that tea yet?"

"Almost," Meg said as she poured it in a cup and put a lemon on the cup for garnish.

"Make sure to add some sugar in it," Tina told her.

"Of course," Meg told her as she picked up the saltshaker on purpose. She unscrewed the top and poured the whole salt inside the cup. She stirred it until the salt was dissolved. She took a package of salt, filled the saltshaker, screwed on the top and put it back in the cupboard. "Here you go," she said pleasantly as she gave it to Tina.

Tina took it and took a big sip. She spit out the tea and coughed. "What did you put in this?"

"What?" Meg said as she took it and took a drink. "It doesn't taste that bad."

"It tastes like salt," Tina told her.

"I put sugar in there," Meg lied.

"Maybe you put in salt to poison me," Tina told her.

"Oh my God you are so thick," Meg told her, "no one died of drinking salt. You're probably delusional."

"What?" Tina asked her.

"Now when I say delusional I mean that you need to go to the doctor's straight away. How about tomorrow?" Meg asked her. "I'll set you an appointment."

"I am not delusional," Tina told her, "you put salt in here on purpose."

"Why would I do that?" Meg asked, "check the salt shaker yourself."

Tina went to the cupboard and saw that the saltshaker was full. "Am I being haunted?"

"I don't know," Meg said as she went upstairs. Tina sat down on the couch and opened her cell phone.

"She's making a phone call," Meg said as she entered Miley's room. Miley gave her, her cell phone and Meg hacked into it.

"I need another poison Josh," Tina told him.

"Another rat poison?" Josh asked her.

"Yeah but this time," Tina said, "its for a rat that I cannot stand."

"Who may I ask?" Josh asked.

"Probably me," Meg whispered.

"Siena," Tina told him. Meg, Miley and Lily mouths dropped.

"You serious?" Meg said.


	20. Let's Track her Down

**I don't own Hannah Montana or 'Jack Bauer' who is the character in '24' and I don't own the show either.**

* * *

"We should tell Jackson," Miley said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Meg said as she stopped her, "let's not scare him to death alright."

"Then how will we tell him?" Miley asked her.

"Tracking device," Meg said as she showed them a chip, "just put this in one of her un-broken jewelry and you're ready to follow her around."

"I'll do it," Lily offered.

"Here is one of her necklaces' that she can't live without," Meg said as she handed her a necklace.

Lily carefully opened the locket and put the little chip in there.

"Now I've stolen this necklace from her," Meg said, "now when you give it her make it look like you gave her a present."

"Will she treat us nice after that?" Miley asked.

"I don't know," Meg said, "but it's worth a shot."

Miley and Lily walked downstairs together.

"Hey Tina," Lily said pleasantly, "how is this fine evening treating you?"

"What can I say?" Tina said, "I'm prettier than the moon."

_You wish_ Miley whispered in her head.

"What do you two brats want?" Tina said as she got up from the couch and looked at them.

"Um," Miley said as she showed Tina the necklace, "we just wanted to give you this necklace. It, it brings out your eyes and stuff."

"Its beautiful," Tina said as she snatched it and put it around her neck, "just like the one I lost years ago when that an alligator came and took it, now leave!" she yelled at Miley and Lily as they went upstairs.

"She's so crazy," Miley said to Lily as they entered her room. "How can an alligator walk into the house and steal your necklace?"

"Maybe it was one of them Alligator Bandits?" Lily joked.

"Like I said she'll believe in anything," Meg said, "I told her that and she believed it."

"Will she also believe that on Friday her face is going to get ripped off?" Miley asked.

"Oh yeah," Meg said. Then her tracking device started to beep. "Hey it works!"

"How do you know these things?" Miley asked her.

"I've been spending too much time with Jack Bauer," Meg answered.

"Keifer Sutherland?" Lily asked with fascination.

"No the real Jack Bauer," Meg said, "I've been watching a lot of '24' lately. They're very educational."

"Yeah catching bad guys is educational with guns popping everywhere and death along with torture," Miley said sarcastically.

"I know right," Meg said happily, "if only we could do that to Tina but we would probably get arrested."

"No," Lily said sarcastically.

"Hold on," Meg said as she looked at the tracking device and saw the red dot moving around. "What is she doing?"

"What?" Miley and Lily asked as they looked at the device.

"She's leaving the house," Meg said.

Lily went to the window and checked. "She is."

"Where is she going?" Miley asked as she also went to the window.

"Probably shopping," Meg answered looking at the tracking device.

"How do you know?" Miley asked.

"She's getting in her car and driving away," Meg said.

Lily looked out the window and saw the car pulling away from the driveway. She gasped, "how do you know that?"

"I have ears you know," Meg told her.

"Oh I knew that," Lily said.

Meg dialed Tina's number.

"What do you want?" Tina asked her.

"I'm just curious to know where my mistress is going and if I should do anything for her while she's away," Meg answered.

"I'm going somewhere that is not your business and I would like for you to make a caviar salad," Tina told her and she shut the phone.

"What did she say?" Miley asked.

"She said she is going somewhere that is not my business and that I should make her a caviar salad. What the heck caviar?"

"Fish eggs," Lily told her.

"Disgusting," Meg said, "what is she an octopus?"

"If only," Miley said, "then I could poke her with a stick!"

"Poker what?" Meg asked. "Poker stick? Wow they make those now?"

"Oh sweet niblets!" Miley said.

"What are those?" Meg asked.

"Ugh!" Miley said as she went out of her room.

"This is so amazing right after 'Chill Pills' they make Poker Sticks," Meg said, "I love technology."

Lily shook her head.

"Alright I love you too," Jackson said on the phone as he shut it off.

"Who was that?" Miley asked him.

"That was Siena," Jackson said, "we are going out tomorrow."

"Your lip is healing," Miley pointed out, "but that's not what I wanted to tell you about."

"What is it then?" Jackson asked her.

"You know how I told her my secret and she has kept it for a while now?" Miley asked him as he nodded, "well she is doing me a huge favor and I should do one for her too."

"Where are you going with this?" Jackson asked her.

"Well Meg hacked into Tina's phone again and this time she was talking about getting rid of another rat," Miley explained, "she said she wants to get rid of Siena."

"What?" Jackson practically shouted.

"She said that 'she wants to get rid of Siena,'" Meg suddenly yelled out loud as she appeared at the doorway. "And I told you not to scare him to death," Meg told Miley in her normal tone of voice. "She's also going to kill your dad too."

"Oh no!" Jackson said.

"Yup," Meg said as if it was just a normal evening.

"How can you be so normal about this?" Jackson asked her.

"Please dude," Meg said, "I got a plan up my nose."

"A plan up my sleeve," Lily corrected her.

"Sleeve, nose what's the difference?"

"A major one."

"Well it easier to blow your nose on a tissue and your plan comes out rather than pulling it out of your sleeve," Meg told her.

"Oh sweet niblets it's a figure of speech," Miley said.


	21. Text Message from a Celebirty

**I don't own Hannah Montana and I have nothing against the Kardashians.**

* * *

The next morning everyone got up cranky.

"That barn smelled like a horse," Meg complained as she sat down on a couch.

"That's because there was a horse in there," Miley told her. "How could you have missed it?"

"It was standing still," Miley said.

Tina walked downstairs.

"Ugh," Miley said as she put her hands on her face.

"You," Tina said as she pointed to Meg, "go and clean my room and make some breakfast."

"With pleasure," Meg said sarcastically.

"And when I get back I want dinner ready, everything washed, cleaned and dusted," Tina told her.

"Well where are you going?" Miley asked her.

"Somewhere that doesn't concern you," Tina told her, "and I don't want anyone to leave the house or else."

"I hate it when please leave a dot, dot, dot in a sentence," Meg said, "or else what?"

Tina shook her head and left the house.

Jackson groaned as he walked downstairs. "Stupid yesterday weather."

"What's the matter with you?" Miley asked him.

"I took a shower yesterday and now I'm sick," he told her.

"Was it windy outside?" Lily asked.

"No," Jackson said sarcastically, "it was humid with lots of fog."

"And somebody forgot to close their window," Miley said, "and they caught the cold."

"I can't be sick today," Jackson said, "I have a date with Siena. I just can't bail on her."

"Why don't you tell her that you're sick?" Meg suggested.

"I just can't alright," Jackson said.

"Idea," Meg sang, "you can date her here."

"What a lovely idea," Jackson said sarcastically, "lets make a date here so when Tina comes—"

"I'll send her on a shopping spree," Meg told him.

"Okay then," Jackson said and then he sneezed.

"Just make sure not to sneeze on her because that's…DISGUISTING!" Meg said as she exaggerated the last word.

"I don't know what to serve her," Jackson said, "I don't know how to cook."

"I know," Meg said.

"Yeah right," Jackson said, "a fifteen year old?"

"I would insult you back but its going to hurt your feelings so I'm not saying anything," Meg told him, "you enjoy your hot date while I cook. When I was her maid I knew some good recipes that were to die for. But Tina took all of the credit. That witch."

"You enjoy your date," Miley said, "while me and Lily are down at the pier."

"Okay then," Jackson said.

* * *

Tina came back home at three o'clock. "What are you doing?" she asked Meg as she was dusting.

"I'm making a cake," Meg told her, "dusting. Jesus."

"Is my dinner ready?"

"In the oven."

Tina went to the oven and took out her dinner. She ate it. "This was really good. I did a good job," she said as she got up from the table.

"Did you hear about a fashion show?" Meg asked Tina.

"There's a fashion show?" Tina asked with amazement.

"Yeah at the mall," Meg told her.

"I know that you're lying because I always get a text message from my people," Tina told here. Her cell phone suddenly chimed. She got a text message that said: _Hey there Tina. I've been looking at your styles in Fashion Magazines…There's going to be a fashion show tonight at the _Malibu Mall _and I cannot wait to see you…There's also going to be a scavenger hunt where you get to pick up all of the cute clothes that you have to grab for the fashion show…Meet me at four thirty at the _Malibu Mall _along with my sister. Can't wait to meet you girlfriend. Love Kim Kardashian._

Tina had an astounded look on her face.

"What?" Meg asked her.

"I'm going to meet the Kardashians!" Tina yelled and jumped up.

"Ooookay," Meg said. "When?"

"Four thirty. I have to get ready," she said as she ran upstairs and got ready. When she did she ran to the door, opened it, and left.

"Wow," Meg said. Then Miley and Lily came downstairs.

"Is she gone?" Lily asked.

"Yup," Meg said, "she ran out the door like she won a trillion dollars."

"Ha, ha, it worked," Miley said happily.

"You sent that message?" Meg asked her.

"What message?" Miley asked.

"The message that Kim Kardashian sent Tina about a fashion show," Meg told her.

"No," Miley said, "they are really setting a fashion show at the Malibu Mall."

"Okay why am I caring about this?" Meg asked.

Miley and Lily looked at each other and they left the house to go to the pier.


	22. Dinner Disaster

**I don't own Hannah Montana or 'Moe' from 'The Three Stooges.'**

* * *

"Is she gone?" Jackson asked Meg as he climbed downstairs.

"According to my calculations she is gone," Meg said as she looked around the room, "check under your bed she might be hiding there."

Jackson sarcastically laughed. He picked up the phone and called Siena.

"Hello?" Siena said from the other line.

"Siena it's me," Jackson said.

"Hi Jackson ready for our date?" she asked him.

"No," Jackson said, "I'm sick."

"Sorry about that," Siena told him.

"That's okay," Jackson said.

"Maybe we should do it another time?"

"No!" Jackson said quickly. He looked at Meg for some help.

Meg took the phone from him, "he only has a mild cold, nothing big but he can't go outside. Why don't you do your date here?"

"But is that horrible woman there?" Siena asked.

"Nah she went of to a fashion show with a Kardashian which I have no clue who they are," Meg said.

"Alright then. Tell Jackson I'll see him in a couple of minutes," Siena said, "bye."

"Bye," Meg said as she shut the phone, "she shaid, I mean shaid, grrr, why is it so hard to say?" Meg took a deep breath, "she said she'll see you in a couple of minutes."

"Got to get ready," Jackson said as he ran upstairs and got ready.

"You do that while I cook!" Meg yelled as she got cooking.

* * *

The doorbell ran and Meg ran and opened it.

"Hi," Siena greeted her.

"Hey," Meg said, "Jackson will be down shortly you can just sit on the couch."

"Okay," Siena said as she sat down, "what smells so good?"

"Something that's completely awesome that's to die for," Mg told her, "but not literally."

Jackson came downstairs. "Hey Siena," he greeted her and they hugged.

"Hey!" Meg yelled at them, "no public display of affection. That's what Tina would say to her niece."

Siena and Jackson looked at her.

"I'll just stir the sauce then," Meg said as she got back to work.

"Shall we eat some dinner?" Jackson asked Siena.

"We shall," Siena said as they walked to the dinner table.

"Here's some bread," Meg said as she put down a basket of fresh homemade bread with some butter on the table.

"This is good," Siena said, "did you make this?"

"I sure did," Meg said as she opened a lid from the pot.

"She is great maid," Siena whispered to Jackson, "did you hire her?"

"No," Jackson told her, "my sister bought her home."

Siena nodded. Meg gave them a glass of water. Then she went to the radio and put on some romantic music.

Siena gasped. "I love this song."

"I know you do," Jackson told her as they held hands.

Meg then set down the dinner plates on the table.

"You should a chef because this is delicious," Siena told Meg as she ate some of the gnocchi.

"That's what my brain says but my heart says you're going to be exhausted like you're right now," Meg told her as she took a deep breath.

"Is there dessert?" Jackson asked her when they were done with dinner.

"You got you're dessert right there," Meg said referring to Siena. "Of course I made some dessert."

She took out a cheesecake out of the fridge and poured some melted chocolate over it. She also put some strawberries that were dipped in chocolate and then chilled.

"Here you go," she said as she put the cake on the table. "Now enjoy while I collapse on the couch," Meg said as she collapsed on the couch and let out a sigh of relief.

"She been working hard today," Jackson told Siena and then they began to talk.

* * *

After a few minutes passed Meg heard a car pull up on the driveway.

"Dang it! I wish I had five more minutes to relax! Jeeze!" she said as she sprang up from the couch and ran to the table, "you have to get out of here," she told Siena.

"Why?" Siena asked.

"Weird woman is back," Meg said as they heard the door open. Siena hid under the table.

Tina put the keys on the counter and walked in. She looked at Meg and Jackson. "What are you doing?" she asked them.

"Ub…uh having dinner," Meg said.

"She cooked of us—I mean me," he quickly corrected himself.

"Really?" Tina said with suspicion, "then why do I see a shoe under the table?"

"What shoe?" Meg asked her.

Tina reached for the shoe and she took hold of it.

"We're screwed," Meg told Jackson as if it was a normal day.

Tina dragged the shoe and Siena came out from under the table. "Oh-ho-ho," Tina said with danger, "you're going to get what's coming to you?" she told Jackson.

"Can I get that in writing?" Meg asked her.

"You," she pointed at Jackson, "go upstairs, you," she pointed at Meg, "make me a sandwich, and you," she pointed to Siena, "I never want to see your body at my house again. NOW GO HOME!" she yelled at her.

Siena left for home. She turned around and said, "bye Jackson," and left.

Jackson shook his head and ran upstairs.

Tina looked at Meg.

"I'll go and make you the thang alright?" Meg said as she went and made Tina that sandwich.

Tina went upstairs.

"Yikes," Meg said, "where's Moe when you need him? Only _he_ can strike a woman if not pretty."


	23. Oliver

**I don't own Hannah Montana and Lily's boyfriend coming back from tour was an idea that Music. Kittys. Love gave me. Thank you!**

* * *

"Hey Meg," Miley said as she entered through the door with Lily. "How did the dinner go?"

"A complete disaster!" Meg yelled.

"What happened?" Lily asked.

"_She_ barged in and you know did her thing."

"Is Jackson alright?" Miley asked with concern.

"Everything was quiet when she went upstairs," Meg explained, "she said that he's going to get what's coming to him."

"Oh no," Miley said as she ran upstairs to check on her brother.

"Didn't you say that she was at a fashion show?" Lily asked Meg, "that takes all night to finish."

"Maybe when she got there she thought that it was joke because there was no fashion show," Meg told her.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked her.

"Jackson told me that he sent that 'Kim Kardashian' message to Tina and she totally believed it. She found out that there was no fashion show, she must've waited then she must've though 'what the heck? I'll finish the scavenger hunt' and she did. Probably bought the whole store," Meg told her. The doorbell rang and Meg went to open it.

"Hi," Meg greeted the visitor.

"Hi I'm Oliver," the visitor said.

"OLIVER!" Lily yelled as she jumped into his arms.

"Lily I missed you so much," he said as he hugged her back.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were coming?"

"I wanted to surprise you Lily-pop," Oliver told her.

"Lily-pop?" Meg asked as she saw them.

"Who is she?" Oliver asked Lily.

"Let me catch you up to speed," Lily said as she began to tell Oliver what had happened in the last few days.

"Oh my God," Oliver said.

"And I hate her so much and I forgot to mention to you that she almost tore my hair out of my scalp," Lily said. "But anyway, all that pain goes away when you're here," she put her head on his shoulder.

Tina walked downstairs and looked at Oliver, "who are you? I said no friends at home," she said to Lily as she approached her.

"Oliver!" Meg yelled as she jumped into his arms and hugged him.

Both Lily and Oliver were shocked.

"What are you doing?" Oliver whispered to her.

"My name is Meg and I'm setting up a diversion so your girlfriend won't get into trouble. Just pretend that you're my brother and coming to help me clean," Meg whispered to him.

"Meg!" Oliver happily said as he hugged her back.

"Seems to me like you really know who he is," Tina said to Meg, "who is he?"

"He is my brother," Meg told her, "I called him to help me with my housework."

"Yeah and I really wanted to see her," Oliver told Tina.

"Oh," Tina said, "well okay then. If you do a lack of work around here—"

"I'll catch him up, now go, go," Meg interrupted as she pushed Tina out the door.

"Okay then," Tina said, "going shopping," she sang as she left.

"Why does she remind me of Traci?" Oliver asked.

"Because she's the aunt of Traci. They got into a fight and they never speak to each other anymore," Meg told him.

"That was close," Lily said as she breathed, "thank you."

"Any-time," Meg said. "She's probably not going to shop, she might buy rat poison."

"Where's the tracking device she was wearing the necklace," Lily said.

"Upstairs in Miley's bedroom," Meg told her as she and Oliver went upstairs to Miley's bedroom to se where Tina was going to. She heard Miley yell happily when she saw Oliver.


	24. Vermin

**I don't own Hannah Montana or 'Clean House'**

* * *

"That woman shops a lot," Oliver said when Tina came and dropped some bags.

"At this rate," Miley said, "we need to call 'Clean House,'"

"I'm not going to clean it," Meg said as she waved the feather duster.

"When is your dad coming back by the way?" Oliver asked.

"On Saturday," Miley said, "but it has felt like a week."

"Yeah no kidding," Lily said.

"Time for bed," Tina said to them as she went downstairs. Miley and Lily went upstairs. "You," Tina said to Meg and Oliver, "rub my feet and get my comfy pillow from upstairs."

"I'll go get the pillow," Oliver said to Meg.

"I hate you," Meg teased as she took off Tina's shoe and began to rub it.

Oliver came back downstairs and gave the pillow to Tina.

"Mmm," Tina said as she put her head down on the pillow, "now make me some strawberries dipped in chocolate."

"I don't know how to do that," Oliver told her.

"Make them before I take out my broom," Tina yelled which scared the heck out of Oliver, "you," she said to Meg, "get me my slippers. The pink frilly ones."

"Yeah sure," Meg said 'pleasantly' as she went upstairs and grabbed her slippers.

"Seriously," Oliver said once he entered inside the bedroom, "Lily wasn't kidding."

Meg nodded. She took a plastic mouse out of her pocket and put it inside the slipper.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Oliver asked her.

"Yes," Meg said, "she hates these things."

They walked downstairs and Oliver gave Tina the strawberries and Meg put her slipper down on the carpet. Tina sat up and put her slippers on.

"AHHHHHH!" she screamed. She looked inside the slipper and she screeched.

"What?" Meg asked with 'concern.'

"There's a hideous rat inside my slipper," Tina whined.

"Let me kill it," Meg said as she shook the slipper and began to stomp on the toy. "It's dead," she said as she picked it up and threw in the trash.

Tina let out a sigh of relief and ate her strawberries. "Now get out of my sight. Go in the barn."

Meg and Oliver walked out. "Why the barn?" Oliver asked her.

"Because that's where I sleep," Meg told him.

"Now I hate you," he told her.

"Now I don't care," Meg said.


	25. Sugar Rush

**I don't own Hannah Montana or 'Fergalicious' or 'Hollaback Girl' or the 'Macarena'**

* * *

On Monday morning everyone woke up. When they did they found out that the house was really quiet.

"Why is the house so quiet?" Miley asked as she and Lily walked downstairs.

"Yeah," Lily agreed.

"That's because Ms. I'm-So-Popular-That-I-Love-Myself left to go to a fashion shoot and won't be back till tomorrow," a voice suddenly said from behind the couch. An index finger pointed out.

"Meg?" Miley asked.

Meg shot up, "you called?"

"This means that we have the whole Monday to ourselves," Lily told Miley as she grabbed her arm.

"You're right," Miley said, "we can go shopping, finally."

"I'm so glad I don't have girl brains," Meg said.

"What?" Lily asked her.

"I'm a tomboy actually," Meg said, "and when I go to a mall its like a disease, then the symptoms start."

"Which are...?" Miley said.

"Yawning, whining 'I want to go home, I want to go home,'" Meg explained, "that's why mother wasn't really happy to have me."

"That's horrible," Lily said.

"I don't care," Meg said, "I hate snobby people. Glad to be away from them."

Suddenly, Jackson and Oliver climbed downstairs.

"Guys," Miley said as she ran to them, "good news. Tina is gone for a fashion shoot and won't be back till tomorrow."

"Oh my gosh that's great," Jackson said excitedly.

"Awesome," Oliver said, "even though I met her for only one day she is evil."

"Evil and ugly," Meg spoke up, "I mean did you see her feet?"

"Yeah I was there," Oliver answered.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Meg said as she opened the television and saw what was on.

"Let's go shopping now," Miley told Lily as they both squealed and went upstairs to change.

"You too Oliver," Lily told him.

"Oh man," Oliver said as he obeyed.

"Hey Meg—" Jackson began.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Meg told him.

"You didn't even know what I was going to ask you."

"You wanted to ask me if you wanted me to make some chocolate dipped strawberries for you and that gorgeous girlfriend of yours," Meg told him, "then yes. I got nothing better to do."

"Well then," Jackson said, "thanks."

Miley, Lily, and Oliver climbed back downstairs and left to go to the mall. Jackson climbed back downstairs.

"Where are you going?" Meg asked him.

"To see Siena and ask her of she wants to come over later. Let's say at six," Jackson told her.

"Okay," Meg said as Jackson left.

* * *

At six o'clock Siena came and Jackson opened the door for her. "Hey," Jackson greeted her.

"Hey," Siena said, "she isn't here is she?"

"Honey," Meg said from the kitchen, "he wouldn't have invited you if she was here."

Jackson led Siena to the couch where they both sat down and they began to talk. Meg came back with a tray of chocolate dipped strawberries.

"Thanks Meg," Jackson said as he took the tray.

"I'll be upstairs," Meg said as she went upstairs into Tina's room. "Her room is so weird," she said as she looked at the chandelier on the ceiling and the jewelry wallpaper. "Lady is too obsessed with jewelry man." She spied on the table a heart-shaped box. "Ooh chocolate," she said as she ate some. She saw another box under it.

* * *

"I had a lot of difficult relationships in the past," Jackson was telling Siena from downstairs, "but I think this relationship will go really great."

"I have the same feeling," Siena said.

Suddenly Meg stomped downstairs holding the box of chocolates. Her face was smeared with melted chocolate and her eyes were really wide.

"Meg?" Jackson said as he looked at her.

"What?" Meg asked as her head quickly shot up.

"Are you okay?"

"Never better," she answered.

"How many chocolates have you had?"

"This is my third box," Meg said, "try some. They're really good."

"Well if you insist," Siena said as she got up from the couch and popped a piece of chocolate in her mouth. "This is so good!" she said as she took some more. "Try some Jackson."

"Well okay," Jackson said as he also ate one. "Mmmm," he said as he took another one

"Are there anymore left?" Siena asked once there was no more.

"Let me check," Meg said as she ran upstairs and came back downstairs with more boxes.

"Yes," Siena said as they began to devour them.

"This is so cool," Meg said after they had finished eating the boxes that were thrown all over the place.

"Why has the world turned upside down?" Jackson asked. He was sitting in a position where his feet were on top of the couch and his head was touching the floor.

"The world is a sphere!" Meg yelled and they began to laugh really hard.

"At first I thought that the world was a hexagon," Jackson said as he laughed out loud and water came out of his eyes.

"Oh Jackson you're so funny," Siena laughed, "I love you."

"I love you too," Jackson yelled while laughing.

"I love everybody," Meg said as she fell off the couch, "ow." She got up and turned the radio on high.

"Ooh lets dance," Siena said as she grabbed Jackson by the arm and they danced to the song 'Fergalicious.' After that song 'Hollaback Girl' began to play.

"'Cause I ain't no hollabcak girl, I ain't no hollaback girl'," Jackson sang as he danced to the song.

"You're a guy silly," Siena laughed as she hit him playfully on the arm, "whoo!" she yelled as her heel broke and fell on the floor.

"Everybody do the drop," Meg said as she lost her footing and fell to the floor. "Why is the room spinning?" she yelled as she tried to stand up.

"What are you guys doing?" a voice suddenly said. It was Miley.

"Jackson get the door," Meg said as she put her hand on her head.

"Why don't you get it?" he laughed.

"Because its fifty miles away."

"No it's right next to that counter," Miley said as she walked in, "we leave for a couple of hours and we come home and see you three hyper." She saw the chocolate on the table. She walked there and ate one.

"I thought we were through with them," Siena breathed as she tried to get up.

"No you left some," Miley said, "these are so good."

Oliver ran and pushed Miley that landed on the couch. Lily ran also and began to eat the chocolate.

"So good," Lily said as she ate some more.

"Oh yeah," Oliver said.

"You guys are such pigs," Miley said, "give me some!" she jumped off the couch and dug her hands in the box and devoured some.

"I've never felt like this in ages!" Oliver shouted. "And this music makes me want to dance. WHOO!"

"PILLOW FIGHT!" Lily yelled as she grabbed a pillow and began to hit everybody with it. Pretty soon everyone grabbed a pillow and began to fight. Feathers flew everywhere.

"I can jump higher than you!" Meg yelled at Oliver who was jumping on the couch.

"No way!" Oliver yelled as he jumped on the couch at the same time.

"Guys get off the couch!" Miley yelled at them.

"No!" Oliver and Meg yelled at the same time.

"Then you leave me no choice," she said as she sprayed them with water.

"YO!" Meg yelled as she jumped off the couch and filled a glass with water and threw it at Miley. Miley dodged it and it hit Siena that gasped. "Sorry!" Meg yelled.

"Hey Meg," a voice said behind her. Meg turned around and she was hit in the face with aftershave.

"PIE FIGHT!" Jackson yelled as he quickly put some aftershave on the plates and threw them at random places.

Lily ran to the fridge and took out the cheesecake that Meg made. She threw the whole thing to Jackson. Jackson wiped some off this face and threw it back at Lily.

Oliver ran to the radio and turned it on high. The song 'Macarena.'

"YEAH!" Meg yelled as they all did the dance.

The telephone rang and no one bothered to pick it up. It left a message.

"Eat this monster!" Lily yelled as she sprayed the telephone with some Crazy String.

"Hey!" Meg yelled, "let's throw some darts at her!" she had a picture of Tina and Robby Ray together who were hugging.

"YEAH!" Jackson yelled, "THE POISONOUS KIND! WHOA!" he fell off the couch and fell on the floor.

"We don't have any darts!" Miley yelled.

Lily took out a sharpie and wrote something on the photograph and ripped it in half.

"I wish I had some coffee drowned in chocolate but there isn't any left!" Oliver yelled as he grabbed Miley by her shirt collar and shook her.

"Oh here!" Miley laughed as she threw water on his head. "I am the Water Goddess!" she yelled as she threw her hands in air.

"Everybody scream! AHHHHHHH!" Lily yelled and they did. "NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND CHA-CHA!"

"No lets tango," Jackson said as he grabbed Siena and they barely tangoed since they were too high and their feet got tangles with each other.

"That's a dip?" Meg asked. "This is the dip," she said as she bent her back down and dropped on the floor. "Why does the earth have to revolve? GOD!"

"Because its mother said that it has too," Oliver answered her.

Meg kicked his shin and he fell to the floor. She jumped on top of him and began to rub her hand on his head.

"There's something in the fridge," Jackson said as he ran there and flung it open. He took out a bottle of syrup and drowned it down his throat.

"Give me that!" Lily and Miley yelled as they grabbed the bottle. They began to wrestle with it. Then the syrup spilled on the floor. Miley and Lily put their shoes in there and they decided to walk on the walls but they failed to do that.

After a few minutes passed everyone was passed out. Miley and Lily were on the floor, Oliver was laying on the couch upside down, Jackson was laying on the dinner table, Siena was passed out on the footsteps and Meg was sleeping in one of the potted plants. The vase pretty soon broke with her weight in it but the break didn't wake her up at all.


	26. Tina stands for Toxin

**I don't own Hannah Montana or 'The Wizard of Oz.'**

* * *

Miley was the first person to wake up the next morning on Tuesday. "Whoa," she whispered when she saw the house in a total mess. It was like a tornado swept through. Then Lily, Oliver, Jackson and Siena woke up.

"Whoa!" the all said as they looked at the house.

"Its like a tornado swept through here," Lily said.

"I was thinking the same thing," Miley told her, "wow I got a huge headache."

Jackson ran to the door and opened it. "Nope."

"No what?" Miley asked him.

"The panorama is still the same. I don't see a yellow brick road," Jackson answered.

"There's a yellow brick road?" Meg yelled as she shot up from the floor and ran to the door, "where? Oh that's disappointing."

"Your hand!" Siena yelled.

"What about it? Oh God," Meg said as she looked at her hand. It had shards of vase glass init and blood was coming out. "Wait," she said as she sniffed it. She dabbed her finger there and put it in her mouth, "yep its blood."

"What did you think it was?" Oliver asked her.

"Ketchup," Meg answered.

Suddenly the door opened and Tina walked inside.

"Daa!" Jackson yelled as he his Siena. Oliver ran to Jackson so they could hide her.

"Why is everyone hidin—whoa!" Lily yelled as she turned around and saw Tina standing there.

"What happened here?" she asked in shock.

"Um, uh…" Miley stammered.

"Remember that rat I found in your slippers yesterday?" Meg asked Tina.

"Yes," she nodded.

"Well I threw him away in the trash but I think he had a huge growth spurt overnight and decided to get revenge and he was probably hungry last night too," Meg explained.

"There's a rat the size of Bigfoot in my house?" Tina yelled freaked out.

"No, no," Meg said, "he was in here but then I guess he left."

Tina spied the ripped photograph of her and Robby on the floor. She picked it up and saw the writing that Lily had done. It said: _I'm going to get you for what you've done to me!_

"EEEEEEEEE!" she yelled as she picture dropped on the floor and she ran upstairs.

"Wow," Miley said, "you make up the best lies ever."

"Like I said," Meg said, "she'll believe in anything."

"Phew," Siena said, "good thing she didn't see me. I'm going to go. Thanks Jackson," she said as she kissed him and left to go home.

"Yeah," Jackson said coolly, "I think I have a shot."

"Dude," Meg said, "that girl is crazy for you!"

Tina came back downstairs and checked the messages in the phone.

"Hey darlin'," Robby's voice said, "I can't wait to come back on Thursday. I have a surprise for you. See ya. Kiss my children for me."

"Oh," Tina said, "he's so dreamy and I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm going to kiss your brats."

"On Thursday?" Miley asked. "That doesn't give us much time for the thing."

"Oh well we tried," Meg said.

"Oh no, we have to come up with another plan. Daddy could propose to her any day."

"I'm thinking its on Thursday since he's coming so early," Meg said.

"She's got a point," Jackson spoke up.

"Where?" Meg asked as she put her hand on her head.

"No that point," Miley told her as she put Meg's hand down. She left the house along with Lily and Oliver.

"Why is it," Meg began as she looked at Jackson, "that whenever they leave it is always the two of us at home?"

"I don't know," Jackson said, "maybe we have the same tastes."

"Yeah that's it," Meg said as she went upstairs.

* * *

"Where have you three been?" Tina asked Lily, Miley and Oliver when they entered through the door. The time was three o'clock

"We were in the barn," Oliver lied to her.

"You," Tina said as she pointed to him, "are a servant. _My_ servant. Now go to my room and make my bed."

Oliver miserably went upstairs to her room.

"You two," Tina said to Miley and Lily, "are grounded. Now get out of my sight."

Miley felt like ripping Tina's eyes out of her sockets and Lily felt like burning them.

"When we go upstairs," Lily said to Miley, "please chain my hands. I don't want to go to jail but I want to kill her!"

"'In the barn,'" Tina repeated, "nonsense." She took the telephone and made a phone call.

"Hello?" a voice said on the other line.

"Hi," Tina said in a pleasant tone, "its me."

"Who are you?" the voice asked.

"Who are _you_?" Tina asked her.

"I'm Siena," the voice said.

"Well in that case, would you like to come for a cup of tea later?" Tina asked her hoping for a 'yes.'

"Sure but who are you?" Siena asked her.

"I'm Tina. The gorgeous woman you met earlier. I know we got off the wrong foot but I would really like to meet you and talk about business," Tina told her.

"Okay then," Siena said not knowing what was coming to her.

"Great," Tina said, "see you at four."

* * *

At four, Siena knocked on the door. Tina was in the kitchen making some tea. She went to the door and opened it.

"Sweetheart come on," she said as Siena said 'thanks' and entered. "Please take a seat," she told her and Siena did. "I'll be right with you shortly. I just need to pour the tea."

Tina went to the kitchen and poured the tea in the mugs. She took the Rat poison out of her sleeve and poured it inside Siena's cup. The wind blew through the window so Tina turned away from the cups and closed the window. "Here you go," she said as she came back with the cups and gave the poisoned one to Siena.

"Thank you," Siena said.

"Look," Tina said, "I want to apologize for my horrible behavior earlier. I was jealous."

"Jealous?" Siena asked her.

"Well we both do fashion shoots right?' Tina asked as Siena nodded. She took a sip from the tea. "And you have a great body and a pretty smile and they are way prettier than me. So can you give me some pointers on how to look like you?"

"To have a good body posture is to exercise a lot," Siena told her.

"I already do that," Tina told her.

Jackson climbed downstairs and saw Siena there. "Siena?" he asked her. Siena turned around and looked at him.

"Oh hi Jackson," Siena said as she got up from the couch.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"Your stepmother invited me over for a cup of tea," Siena answered.

"Yes I did," Tina said as she got up from the couch and went to Jackson, "I'll be right back," she said to Siena, "I just need to talk to him."

Tina took Jackson upstairs and put him in his room. She locked his door and went back downstairs.

"So where were we?" Tina asked as she came back downstairs. She saw that Siena had finished the tea from her mug. She smiled inside her. They talked more about fashion when Siena got up from the couch and left.

"We have to go to Siena," Jackson said to Meg. She was in his room.

"Wh—oh yeah," Meg said, "but your window is high up."

"I don't care," Jackson said as he leapt on top of the window sill, "I'm going after her." He jumped and landed on the ground.

"Take me with you," Meg said as she also jumped and they both ran to Siena's house.

"WE HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL!" Jackson frantically yelled as Siena had opened the door while Jackson was banging on it.

"Why?" Siena asked.

"Jack—" Meg began but was interrupted.

"No time to explain but you have to go to the hospital quick. You're poisoned," Jackson said as he dragged Siena to his car and they drove to the hospital.


	27. The Hospital

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

The three of them arrived to the hospital.

"Excuse me," the lady said as she saw the three of them enter a room, "you need to be registered."

"This is an emergency," Jackson told her, "she's poisoned!"

"Jackson," Siena said, "I'm not—"

"There's a doctor," Jackson said as they ran to him.

"What can I do for you?" the doctor asked.

"My girlfriend," Jackson said, "she's poisoned."

"She was poisoned with what?" the doctor asked him.

"Rat poison," Meg told him.

"Come with me quickly," the doctor said as he took them to a room. "Take a seat," he told Siena and she did. "Tell me how were you poisoned by this rat poison?"

"Allow me," Meg said as she stepped in, "Jackson thinks that the rat poison was in her tea when she was visiting his stepmother today."

"Why would someone put rat poison in a tea?" the doctor asked.

"Because she hates her," Jackson said.

"I'll be with you shortly to do the blood tests," the doctor said as he left the blood testing room.

"Well gee," Meg said, "it's a wonder how the rat poison hasn't killed you yet," Meg said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Meg this isn't funny," Jackson told her.

"Dude I've been trying to tell you that—" she was saying.

"Good the doctor is here," Jackson said as he saw the doctor come back.

"Okay Miss," the doctor said to Siena, "I'm going to do some blood tests on you."

Siena held out her arm and the doctor tied a blue rubber band at the upper part of her arm. He took the needle and stuck it inside to the vein. The blood flowed from the needle to one of the tubes that filled with the dark red liquid. He filled the tubes three more times and he put cotton on her arm where the needle was and then a band-aid.

"How long would it take for the blood tests to come in?" Jackson asked him, "we need them as quickly as possible."

"Well then it would take a while but not too long," the doctor said as he left the room.

After a few hours of waiting in the waiting room, Siena's test results came back. Jackson quickly got them and looked.

"Oh man," he said miserably.

"What?" Siena and Meg asked at the same time.

"They're negative," Jackson said. "Will they be able to drain the poison out of you in time?" he asked Siena.

"Yo dummy," Meg said to him, "negative means that they're good in medical terms."

"Wait so she's poison free?" Jackson asked.

"Yes," Meg said. "As I've been trying to tell you, when the window was opened and she went to close it I switched the tea cups. She didn't drink the one that was poisoned."

"Oh," Jackson said as he took a relaxing breath, "why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because you wouldn't listen," Meg said.

"Well," Siena said as she got up from one of the chairs, "now that we got this cleared up, lets go home."

"Yeah," Meg said, "and if she invites you next time don't come."

"Okay," Siena said, "I'll keep that in mind."

They left the hospital and went home.


	28. Surprises are not Wonderful Things

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"Where have you two been?' Miley asked Jackson and Meg when they entered through the door.

"At the hospital," Meg said, "because someone thought that his girlfriend was poisoned which she wasn't."

"Where did she go?" Jackson asked.

"Oh she either a) went shopping, b) went to but us food, or c) went to but us chocolates and stuffed animals," Lily said, "it's that simple."

"A," Jackson picked.

"Oh man," Meg said, "I thought it was 'c'."

"How can it be 'c'?" Miley asked.

"Well a person can change," Meg said.

"But not this one," Miley told her, "have you thought of a plan to get rid of her yet?"

"No," Meg said.

"But you just said that you have a plan up your nose," Miley told her.

"Its up my sleeve," Meg corrected her.

"Sure now you get smart," Miley told her.

"Do you want my help or not?" Meg almost yelled at her.

"Yes," Miley said back with irritation.

"Then give me some time."

"We don't have much time!"

The doorbell suddenly rang and Meg went to open it.

"Surprise!" Robby said at the doorstep as he entered the house.

"Daddy!" Miley yelled as she leaped into her father's arms and hugged him tightly.

"Dad," Jackson said as he also went and hugged his dad.

"Did you have a good time?" Miley asked him.

"It was great," Robby said, "but I missed you guys and that lovely soon-to-be wife of mine."

"Hey Mr. Stewart," Lily greeted him, "didn't you say you were coming on Thursday?"

"I know," Robby said, "but I wanted to surprise you guys."

"Mr. Stewart you're back," Oliver said as he climbed downstairs and greeted him.

"Hey son," Robby said as he shook his hand, "how was the tour?"

"It was awesome," Oliver said, "but good thing that you're back."

"So how was your week with Tina?" Robby said.

"W-wonderful," Lily lied. She didn't want to get into trouble.

"It was awesome we did lots of stuff," Jackson said.

"What kind?" Robby asked.

"What can we tell you," Lily said, "they're secret."

"Aw I'm glad to see you bonding with her. She's a lot of fun," Robby said.

"You have no idea," Oliver said sarcastically.

Tina entered through the door and a big grin appeared on her face as she saw Robby. "Snuggle Puss!" she said as she ran into his arms and they hugged.

"How was your day with the kids?" Robby asked her.

"Oh they were wonderful," she told him, "they even got a maid for me," she said as she pointed to Meg that waved 'hi' to them.

"I'll keep the maid as long as they don't cost a fortune," Robby said, "but enough about that, I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?" Tina asked excitedly.

"Close your eyes," Robby told her as she did. He kneeled down on his knee and took out a little black box. "Open your eyes."

Tina opened her eyes and her mouth was wide open.

"Tina," Robby said, "will you marry me?" He showed her the fourteen-carat ring.

Tina was shocked. "YES!" she yelled as she leaped into his arms again.

"Dad we'll be right back," Miley said as she, Jackson, Oliver, Lily, and Meg got out of the house and closed the door behind them.

"NOOOOOO!" they all screamed at the same time.


	29. Convincing Dad

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"There's so much to do," Tina said.

"Now darlin'," Robby said as he looked into her black eyes, "I got that covered."

"Oh you're do sweet," Tina smiled at him.

"Now all you gotta do is pick out the loveliest wedding dress and we're on our way," Robby told her.

"What about the after party?"

"Got that covered too."

"Oh!" she squealed. "I'm going to go and pick the dress for our wedding tomorrow," she said as she got her purse and went out of the house.

"I can't wait either," Robby said as he took a seat on the couch.

"Dad, how could you?" Miley asked as she walked back inside with the gang.

"What?" Robby asked.

"Why are you going to marry her?" Jackson said.

"Why not?" Robby asked, "you think its too soon?"

"Yes," Miley and Jackson said.

"No," Meg spoke up and Robby looked at her. "She's evil! I used to be her maid and she's a horrible person!"

"That's what first maids always say but you'll get used to her," Robby said, "she's a wonderful person."

"Yeah wonderful at pulling your hair out of your scalp!" Lily exclaimed as she put her hands on her head.

"Come on dad," Robby imitated Miley, "let Lily live with us. We're like sisters."

"Dad," Miley said trying to convince him, "when you were gone she did lots of horrible things to us. Even to Jackson's girlfriend."

"She tried to poison her," Jackson said.

Robby was growing really irritated. "You know what? If ya'll hate her so much then deal with it. She's a wonderful person and I'm going to marry her tomorrow whether you like it or not and if I hear one more peep out of you five you'll all be grounded," he said as he went upstairs and left the teenagers downstairs.

"Great," Oliver said.

"Yeah man," Jackson said, "we're stuck with 'Ms. I-Can't-Wait-To-Marry-You-Then-Kill-You-Snuggle-Puss Woman Who Cares About Herself!" he yelled.

Miley shook her head then turned around to get out of the house for some fresh air but then got stopped in her tracks. "Uhh, Meg?" she said as she saw her smiling sinisterly.

"What?" Meg asked still smiling.

"I know that I met you a couple of days ago and I know that smile means that you have a plan up your sleeve and its also really creepy!"

"Really?" Meg asked.

"Look at them brothers there," Miley said as she pointed at Jackson and Oliver who were backing away.

"Please don't hurt us," Jackson pleaded.

"We're too young to die!" Oliver said.

"You read my mind dear Miley," Meg said, "and I do have an evil plan. Mwha-ha-ha-ha!"

"OH MY GOD YOU _ARE _RELATED TO RICO!" Jackson yelled.

"Oh yes I am," Meg said.

Jackson and Oliver yelled as they ran out of the house.

Lily looked at them and then looked at Meg. "You are?"

"No," Meg told her.


	30. She Looks Better with Orange Juice on

**I don't own Hannah Montana or 'Matilda'**

* * *

In the evening Tina came back with a white wedding dress.

"You're going to look beautiful in that dress," Robby said as he gave her a peck on the cheek. She blushed.

"And fat!" Meg coughed and cleared her throat.

"What?" Robby asked in a confused way.

"Oh nothing," Meg said, "just a cough. I'll go dust the windows," she said as she grabbed the feathered duster and began to dust.

"Cannot wait for tomorrow," Tina sang in her voice that could break the ice inside their refrigerator.

"As long as you don't sing," Meg said under her breath.

"Have you got the after party all planned out for tomorrow too?" Tina asked him.

"Yes I have," Robby told her.

"Great and I think that Matilda and her brother should be the caterers," Tina suggested, "Matilda is the maid."

"Okay then," Robby said as they snuggled together on the couch.

Miley suddenly came downstairs and saw them there. She snapped her fingers at Meg that got her attention and pointed her finger to her mouth meaning that she was going to gag. Meg just rolled her eyes. She picked up an orange juice glass and walked over to the couch. As she did she purposely dropped the glass on Tina's shoulder and she gasped.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry," Meg 'apologized.'

"Oh that's okay," Tina said as she got up, "you'll be sorry later," she whispered to her. Meg gave her an attitude shake of the neck.

"Where are you goin'?" Robby asked her.

"Oh to take a bath," Tina told him as she walked past Miley and walked upstairs.

"Did you do that on purpose?" Robby asked as he turned around and faced Meg.

"I can't lie to you," Meg said, "but no."

"My wedding is tomorrow and I don't want any conflicts to happen between the maid and my wife," Robby told her.

"Trust me," Meg said, "no conflicts are going to happen. We'll be as happy as newborn chicks."

"Good then," Robby said as he went upstairs.

"That was awesome," Miley said as she gave Meg a high-five.


	31. Family Reunion

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

The next morning, Tina and Robby were the first ones to wake up for their big day.

"So I already called my family and what about yours?" Robby asked her.

"Yes I did," Tina said.

"I'm so glad that this day has finally came," Robby said.

"Me too," Tina said as Robby walked out of their master bedroom. Tina turned around and took out the poison, "I'm glad this day has come too. You're going tomorrow on our honeymoon," she said as she put the poison in the drawer and got ready.

* * *

"Aw man I hate this day," Jackson said as he walked downstairs and met his sister, Lily, Oliver, and Meg at the kitchen.

"You and us both," Miley said, "I'm not even hungry," she said as she pushed her bowl of cereal away. "Do you have a plan?" she asked Meg.

"No," Meg said, "I tried thinking of things last night but they were impossible."

"One of them was building a time machine," Oliver told her.

"Fine then," Miley said, "I guess we're stuck with her for the rest of our lives."

"Well look at the bright side," Lily said, "at least we'll be away in collage."

"But I will be here cleaning the house with my brand-new sister thank you very much!" Oliver yelled at Meg.

"I dare you to yell at me one more time," Meg told him as he backed away. "If I'm involved in this plan, I guarantee you that this would work but I'm going to need you," she pointed at Miley.

"Why me?" Miley asked her.

"You convince your dad pretty well about things," Meg told her, "and he will believe you but you have to dig into it so he will believe you. Tell him everything and I'll be next to you but out of sight."

"Okay," Miley said.

* * *

In the afternoon the door knocked and Tina's family came in.

"Nice to meet ya'll," Robby greeted them as they walked in the house.

"Oh such a sweet man marrying my lovely daughter," Tina's mom said as she complemented on Robby. "Please take good care of her."

"She's going to be in good hands," Robby said. The doorbell rang and Robby's family came in. they came all the way from Tennessee.

"How you doin' Robbo?" Uncle Earl asked him.

"Doin' fine Earl," Robby said, "I'm going to marry one of the gorgeous woman in all of Malibu."

"Ho-ho," Uncle Earl laughed, "you lucky man!"

"There's my sweetie-pie," Aunt Dolly said as she walked to Robby and kissed him on both cheeks, "that woman is going to be really lucky to have you."

"Thanks Dolly," Robby said as he patted her on the back.

"Son," Ruthie said as she approached her son, "I've never been so proud of you."

"Thanks Ma," Robby said as they hugged each other.

"Wow," Lily said from upstairs, "that place is packed," she was wearing a sophisticated baby blue dress with blue shoes.

"Yeah," Miley said, "and my dad is happy." Miley was wearing a red dress with red shoes.

"Miles," Jackson said as he knocked on the door and opened it, "they want us to come downstairs." He and Oliver were wearing a tuxedo.

"Man this thing was so hard to put on," Oliver said.

"Okay we'll be right down," Miley said as she and Lily walked downstairs.

The roomful of grownups started at the two lovely ladies and the two handsome gentlemen.

"Oh look at you," Ruthie said as she saw them, "you four look so cute!"

"Come on," Aunt Dolly spoke up, "we've got to get you to that church." Robby and his family walked outside of the house and they stepped into a limousine.

When the limo left Tina came back downstairs. She was wearing a lovely white wedding dress that was of course big and she was wearing a tiara on her head along with a veil. She was holding a bouquet of lilacs and her family ohhed and ahhed.

"I would've ohhed and ahhed," Meg spoke up, "if she wasn't surrounded by an ugly face with a squeaky little voice."

Tina's family looked at her and shook their head in disapproval.

"May I talk to you dear?" Tina's mom asked as she walked to Meg.

"Yeah," Meg said.

"If you ruin my daughter's special day," she began, "I'm going to burn you and your bones for a Christmas decoration." She walked away.

"Now I know where Tina gets the bad influence from," Meg muttered under her breath. They left the house and went into the limousine where it drove away without Meg. "Ya'll drive. I'll just run. Good for your health," she said as she chased after the limo.


	32. The Wedding

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

The Stewart family arrived at the church. Robby's best men were standing next to the priest as they waited for Tina to come. Tina's family suddenly came in and they took a seat.

"You nervous there?" one of Robby's cousins asked him.

"Nah," Robby said.

"Then why are you sweating?"

"Because I'm nervous," Robby answered.

"Look at him," Miley said as she was sitting with Lily, Oliver, and Jackson, "a happy man then after the honeymoon…a dead man."

* * *

After a few minutes passed the musician played 'Here Come the Bride' played on the organ piano. Everyone stood up as they saw Tina slowly walking with her dad's arm connected to her arm. She was smiling.

"Look at that," Miley whispered.

"I know she looks beautiful," Oliver spoke up.

Miley, Lily, and Jackson shot him a look. He sat back down.

As she walked up to Robby, the best men couldn't help but smile at seeing how pretty she was and how lucky Robby was to have her. He smiled at her as she came close to him and Tina's dad took a seat close to his wife. The doors closed.

"If anyone thinks that this couple shouldn't get married then speak up," the priest said.

"I object!" Jackson shot up.

Robby and Tina gave looked at him in shock.

"Sorry," Jackson apologized, "force of habit. Don't watch to many wedding movies with a party crasher in it," he said as he sat back down.

"Anyone else?" the priest said.

"HOLD IT!" Meg yelled as she ran through the door.

"Oh sweet niblets," Robby said as he looked at Meg, "what is it now?"

"You can't marry her," Meg said, "she's sick."

"Okay that's it," Robby said as he snapped his fingers and two men carried Meg away.

"Dad she 's telling the truth," Jackson said.

"You on it too?' Robby said growing more irritated by the minute, "take him away too."

Two more men came and grabbed Jackson who struggled but he wasn't strong enough.

"But Dad—" Miley began but she was also taken away.

"But Mr. Stewart—" Oliver and Lily said but they were taken away too and they were thrown out of the church.

"Great," Miley said after a few minutes passed, "we'll say hello to our new step mom in a couple of hours."

* * *

After a few hours passed the wedding music began to play which indicated that Robby and Tina had kissed on the lips and were together. They ran out of the church with both the van Horn and Stewart family throwing goodies at them.

"You get in the limo sweetheart," Robby said as he then turned around and looked sternly at his children, "I have never been so disappointed in you," he said to them. "How could you say something like that? On my wedding day?"

"Dad if you could have just listened to us none of this would've happened," Jackson said, "so are we still invited to the after party?"

"Yes you are and you're grounded for three months when we get home," Robby said as he got into the limo and it drove away.

"What if she poisons him in there?" Miley asked Meg as she grabbed her arm.

"That'll be too obvious," Meg said.

"Come on in kids," Aunt Dolly called out to them as they climbed into her car and they drove to the after party.


	33. The Party

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

They drove to the after party.

"I'll be in the chicken," Meg said as she went inside a room.

"It's the 'kitchen,'" Lily told her.

"Chicken, kitchen, whatever," Meg said as she disappeared in there. "Alright ya'll," she said to the workers in there, "when you're making the food for the bride spice it up okay. Make it really spicy. Ya hear me?"

The staff nodded.

"What should we put in it?" one of them asked her.

"Pepper, cayenne pepper, jalapenos and fire," Meg told them.

"Fire?" they said in unison.

"You're trying to burn the bride?" one of the women asked her.

"Yes now do it," Meg said as she left the kitchen and walked into the ballroom. "Man this room is more annoying than she is."

"I hear that," Miley said. They were sitting at a table and Meg joined them.

A smooth song began to play as Tina and her dad danced with each other on the dance floor and Robby danced with his mother. Miley was wondering how her own mother's wedding was like and if she didn't do anything to stop this one she was going to be stuck with that awful woman for the rest of her life.

"Miley are you okay?" Lily asked her friend as she saw a tear drop form her cheek.

"No," Miley whimpered as she sniffed. She got up from the table and ran outside.

Lily, Oliver, Meg and Jackson looked at each other. Then Jackson got up from the table and went after his sister.

"Come on break a heel," Meg said as she rolled a tiny marble and Tina stepped on it and broke her heel.

"Oh," Tina said as she grabbed her father by the shoulders to adjust her position and not fall on the hard floor and break something.

"I would've been so happy if she broke her face," Lily said as she and Oliver laughed.

"It would be so funny if she caught on fire," Oliver laughed.

"Oh honey that's gonna happen," Meg said, "right after the waiters serve some drinks."

The waiters suddenly came with some drinks. They put water on their tables. Including at Robby's and Tina's.

"I'll go do it," Lily said as she took some salt and pepper along with some cayenne pepper and made her way to Robby's and Tina's table. She unscrewed the top from the salt and poured the whole thing in there along with pepper and the cayenne pepper. She mixed it up and went to the dance floor holding the cup. "You look lovely," she complemented Tina, "here's some water." She ran away and sat down at the table where Meg and Oliver were.

Tina took a big gulp of the water and then she froze.

"Ha, ha, ha," Oliver laughed as he clapped his hands together.

Tina screamed and everyone stopped dancing.

"What's wrong?" Robby asked her as he saw her run to a table and drink a huge glass of water.

"Sorry," she breathed as water was coming out of her eyes and face, "but that water was kicked up a notch." She shook her head and went back to dancing with Robby.

Miley came back with Jackson.

"You two missed something classic," Oliver said, "Lily went and spiced up Tina's drink and she screamed."

Jackson and Miley laughed.

"So Miley," Lily said, "are you feeling okay?"

"Now I am," Miley said as she took a drink of water.

The food was then served to them and Tina had other emergency of 'I need to drink water' situations.

"Okay those were classic," Miley said.

"All in a days work," Meg said.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen?" Jackson asked her.

"Yeah but then I decided not to," Meg said.

Robby and Tina then cut the cake and it was served to them.

"This cake is so good," Oliver said as he stuffed his face in it.

The two 'couple' danced some more and at midnight the party was over.

"Get ready for a huge scolding in the morning," Miley warned Oliver, Jackson, Lily and Meg as they were driving back home.

"They'll be on their honeymoon and we'll be there," Meg said to Miley.


	34. The Honeymoon

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

"I don't want any friends over," Robby counted the next day to his children as he was getting ready to go on the honeymoon with Tina, "no phone calls and I want you five to stay in your rooms."

"Whatever you say dad," Jackson said as he walked upstairs and so did Oliver, Lily, Miley, and Meg.

Robby and Tina walked out of the door and he locked it. "Did you sleep well last night doll?"

"Yes I did," Tina smiled at him. They walked away from the house and went to the beach where Robby had reserved a room on a ship.

"This is too wonderful," Tina said as she entered the ship along with Robby.

"Yep," Robby said, "a good night of dancin', eatin' dinner."

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Miley said back home at Meg, "we're going there at eight at night?"

Meg nodded.

"Well then that's crazy, the ship leaves in an hour," Miley reminded her.

"Well then," Meg said, "lets go down there now incognito."

"Great we'll come too," Jackson spoke up.

"Okay then," Meg said as they got ready.

Lily went through the closet and pulled out three different colored wigs for Miley, Meg and herself. They were blur, white, and red. Jackson went through his stuff and pulled out two fake mustaches and two 'cool-dude' sunglasses for Oliver and himself.

"Cool," Oliver said as he put them on. He also threw a hat to him and Oliver put it on his head. "I look awesome," Oliver said as he looked at himself in the mirror. Him and Jackson were wearing Hawaiian shirts and short khaki pants with sandals. They hung cameras around their necks so they could look like tourists.

Lily wore regular clothes. She wore a white shirt on white pants with a purple jacket around her and black sunglasses. As for Miley, she wore some glittery outfits from the 'Hannah' closet and black sunglasses.

"Nice outfit," Meg told her, "kind of what Hannah wears but anyway lets go," she said as thy left the house. They took the bus to go to the beach. They ran through the beach to catch up with the boat, which was starting to leave, but they made it.

"Okay that was close," Miley breathed as they made it to the ship. "Lets find daddy."

"I think I just did," Jackson said as they saw Robby sitting on a beach chair along with Tina that was tanning.

"I can't wait for our dinner date on this deck," they heard Robby say, "I can't wait."

"Hmm," Tina smiled, "neither can I."

"Look at that evil smile," Miley said as she looked at Tina with hatred, "I want to rip it off her face."

"Excuse me?" a voice said behind them. Oliver and Jackson turned around and they saw two couples. "Please take our picture," she asked them.

"Sure," Oliver said as he snapped the camera and the picture printed out, "here you go," he handed it to them.

"Thank you," the man said as he took it and they walked away. The man gave Oliver a dollar. "Wow I think I might be rich."

"Excuse me photographer?" Robby said as he got Oliver's attention. "I would like to take some pictures of my wife and me."

Oliver turned around.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Robby asked him.

"What no," Oliver said as he began snapping random pictures along with Jackson. They took the pictures of Robby and Tina and they ran away from them. So did Miley, Lily and Meg.

"Do you think he noticed us?" Oliver asked.

"No," Jackson said, "or he would've said 'I see you.'"

"Okay good," Lily said, "all we have to do is stay out of sight until they have their date on the deck. Ooh shrimp," she said as she walked to the buffet and ate some shrimp.

* * *

At nighttime Tina and Robby were having their dinner alone on the deck. Tina was wearing a black shiny dress with black shoes and Robby was wearing a tuxedo.

"You look beautiful," Robby complimented her as she giggled. He turned around to check himself in a mirror. While he was doing that, Tina took out the rat poison and poured the whole thing in his glass of wine that they were drinking. He turned back around and took the glass of wine close to his lips.

"DAD STOP!" Miley yelled as she quickly ran to him.

"NO MR. STEWART!" Lily said as she also ran there.

"Miley?" Robby asked as he looked at his daughter who was still in her disguise.

"Don't drink the wine, she poisoned it," Jackson told him.

"She really did," Meg said as she took his wine and poured it at a potted plant that began to wilt quickly.

"We tried to tell you dad," Miley said as she approached the table, "that Tina has been doing some horrible stuff to us."

Tina quickly got up from the table and grabbed Miley in her arms and held her at knifepoint. She took the sharp knife and held it close to her throat.

Everyone gasped.

"What are you doing?" Robby asked Tina.

"How much do you love your daughter?" Tina asked him.

Robby was too shocked to say anything.

"Answer me!" she yelled at him.

"Please don't hurt her," Jackson said to Tina.

"Quiet you fool!" she yelled at him, "give me the money that you have now and I'll let your daughter go."

"No dad don't do it," Miley said.

Tina let go of her and slapped her across the face. Miley fell on the floor and was picked up again and the knife was held to her throat again.

Robby took out his money.

"Lay it on the table and any funny moves and she dies," Tina said as she approached the table with Miley.


	35. A New Family Member

**I don't own Hannah Montana**

* * *

As Tina was nearing in for the money she felt someone jerk her arm and she was pushed off the ship. She was falling and then a splash was heard from the sea.

"Help!" she called I can't swim.

"Serves you right!" Meg yelled at her as she saw Tina disappearing from below.

"Meg," Miley said, "you saved me," she hugged Meg and she hugged her back.

"You saved all of us," Robby told her.

"Yep," Meg said, "you're welcome."

"Dad," Jackson spoke up, "why didn't you listen to us in the first place?"

"Because I was being selfish," Robby said, "I thought of myself."

"Do you still want to hear what she did to us?" Lily asked him.

"I would want to," Robby told her as he listened to what they had to say. He heard everything with every detail, which was heartbreaking to him. He rested is head on his hands.

"Dad?" Miley said, "its not your fault."

"No Miley it is," Robby said as he looked at her with water in his eyes, "that woman tried to kill you and then me."

"She was actually going to kill you and then use us as servants," Meg pointed out.

"Nevertheless," Robby said, "I was too blinded to see right through her. Can you guys forgive me?"

"You're our dad," Jackson said, "of course we'll forgive you."

They family hugged.

"Come here," Robby said to Meg as he hugged her too. He took a box and opened it. Inside was a real diamond necklace. "I was going to give this to Tina but," he said as he put the necklace around Meg's neck, "this looks better on you. Welcome to the family."

"I'm part of your family?" Meg asked him.

"You sure are Meg," Robby told her.

"Yes I get to live with good people," she said, "and thank you for the necklace."

They spent the night out on the deck looking at the full moon and leaving their horrible past behind. At least Tina was dead or was she?

"Don't worry ya'll she is dead," Meg said to the group as she looked out on the boat.

Asked and answered. Probably devoured by those great white sharks.

**

* * *

**

THE END


End file.
